SELF-ESTEEM is considered to be "one of the most important pillars of healthy personality development. It distinguishes between self-evaluations that represent global characteristics of the individual ('I am a worthwhile person') and those that reflect the individual's sense of adequacy across particular domains such as cognitive competence ('I am smart') and athletic competence ('I am good in sports'). Global self evaluation is known as self-esteem". It means a healthy positive view of oneself and sense of self worth.
Self-esteem must not be confused with self-centeredness, conceit, or selfishness. Self-esteem is not only appreciating ones sense of self worth but must have the character to act responsibly towards others. Many believe that fluctuations in self-esteem are important contributory factors to many of society's problems.
Low self-esteem is often associated with poor health and deviant behaviors like substance abuse, poor academic performance, suicide, cigarette smoking and depression. Children with low self-esteem often think that they will fail. They cannot do anything right. They think that what they do is not important to others and to themselves. They often wish they were someone else.
Self-esteem is often disrupted during adolescent years. It tends to decrease as the child enters high school. During these period girls self-esteem usually decreases while boys self-esteem increase. Early breast development in girls cause embarrassment and ridicule leading to low self-esteem. Early sexual development in boys tends to cause increase in self-esteem.
Single parent, separated parents often have negative effects on the development of self-esteem in children. These children are found to have problem behaviours like increased anxiety, high rate of depression, low academic performance and poor peer relationships.
Watching TV has a negative effect on self-image. Children watching unrealistic TV presentations of superstars, thin beautiful women and handsome muscular men to which children will try to compare themselves and don't fit the image will experience decrease in self-esteem.
Having a best friend increases the self-esteem of a child. Best friends share feelings and secrets, which strengthen relationships between individuals. Best friends provide caring, acceptance and feeling of belongingness. Being accepted by others is a very important factor in increasing and maintaining self-esteem in children.
Children with high self-esteem will make friends easily, are cooperative and follow appropriate rules. They have their own ideas and can talk to others without difficulties.
They are usually creative. For instance, children involved in playing musical instruments have higher self-esteem possibly due to self-control, concentration and accomplishments in learning to play the instrument.
Self-esteem is about feelings and beliefs of the individual's competence and self-worth; their abilities to confront challenges and adversities; and learn from mistakes and failures. Higher levels of self-esteem may lead to greater motivations to succeed in many of life's undertakings.
Differences in temperament and the effects of environment are some of the reasons why some children are saddled with insecurities and self-doubts while others have healthy sense of self-esteem. As early as the newborn period one may see the differences. Some children are active, respond more to social interactions and easily satisfied; while others are less active, less responsive to social overtures and cannot be satisfied.
These differences in temperamental patterns will show that there are children who may have difficulties in developing a positive or healthy sense of self-image. These children are often labeled as "difficult" children and are quite challenging to raise. Parents are sometimes left feeling helpless, inadequate, angry and frustrated. Most of these children are difficult to satisfy. They often overreact to ordinary situation and are always unhappy.
The reactions of parents to "difficult children" are influenced by their own temperament and expectations. "Mismatches" in temperament between parents and children are often the cause of problems. Sports oriented, active and outgoing parents may have problems raising children who are less active, not interested in sports and not in consonance with their own expectations.
The results will be anger and disappointment on the part of the parents and the feeling of guilt on the part of the child that he had let his parents down or maybe think that his parents are unkind leading to low self-esteem.
Parents should be aware of this "mismatches" of temperaments. Understanding the inherent difficulties of the child's temperament, which may not be in consonance with their own is a step in the right direction. A "difficult child" is often the subject of physical abuse by parents who already are disappointed and frustrated. (To be continued)
