Wednesday, March 12, 2008 The subject is woman By Henrylito D. Tacio Regarding Henry
THE college professor was late by 10 minutes. He immediately placed his books on top the table and went directly to the board. The students were stunned. Without much ado, he wrote these words: "Woman without her man is a savage." Then, facing the students, he told them to punctuate it correctly.
To his amazement, the professor found that the males looked at it one-way and the females another. The males wrote: "Woman, without her, is a savage!" The counterparts penned: "Woman! Without her, man is a savage."
Oliver Wendell Holmes quipped: "Man has will, but woman has her way." Elbert Hubbard notices, "A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman as bad as she dares." Rudyard Kipling argues, "A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty."
This brings us to subject of the battle of sexes. Man has different view from that of a woman. For instance, a man will pay 100 pesos for a 50-peso item he wants. A woman, on the other hand, will pay 50 pesos for a 100-peso item that she doesn't want. Woman, to be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
Man, to be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Friedrich Nietzsche once remarked: "The same passions in man and woman nonetheless differ in tempo; hence man and woman do not cease misunderstanding one another." Yes, Mr. Nietzsche was the same person who said: "Woman was God's second mistake."
Mary Crowley thinks otherwise. God made man first. Then, He stepped back, looked him over, and said, "I can do better than that." And so He made woman.
Husbands and wives fight most of the time. The reason: they don't understand each other. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
The husband to his wife, "In the 16 years we've been married, we haven't been able to agree on a single thing." His wife replied, "It's been 17 years."
When a man and woman get married, each has a different agenda for the bitter half. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. What did famous singer and actress Barbra Streisand say again? Perhaps talking from experience, she wonders: "Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?"
Socrates urges: "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." Not bad, huh? Warren Farrell comments, "When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment."
So, who thinks there is life after the wedding? "After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together," says Hemant Joshi. Patrick Murray notes, "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
This reminds me of the story of a man who inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The following day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
"My wife's an angel," said the first man. The second man lamented, "You're lucky, mine is still alive!" Rita Rudner claims, "Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened."
Why do some marriages last? If you will pose that question to Henry Youngman, his answer would be: "We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Groucho Marx once commented: "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
And the battle of sexes continues. "Can you tell me where I find the book, 'Man, the Superior Sex'?" the man asked the saleswoman. She replied, "Sure, it's upstairs in the science fiction department."
