Wednesday, March 12, 2008 Covington: Adland By Gary Covington Looking In
I LOVE enigmatic newspaper adverts. There was one Wednesday last. Full page, full color and featuring what we were meant to take as an Ancient Egyptian -- burly male torso, shaved head, table place-mat around his neck -- and crooked in his arms, Pharaoh-like, a baton of rank, a baton topped with a grinning and glowing skull.
Mysterious or what? So is the text -- "Legends tell of the great quest for a powerful stone. The myth lived on a Pharaoh's mask. Feel the sense of Royalty. Soon."
Soon. There was a run of Soon ads last January. Classy in a modest sort of way. Full color, almost full page and a text guaranteed to tantalize. The first ad -- sunset colored -- commanded that we "Embrace the sun. The sun will come down from his throne to kiss you where you stand. Soon."
Ad #2 the next day was green -- "Delight in blossoms. The earthy smell of tree bark, a dazzling array of blooms, and the soft grass under your feet - your senses are in for a treat. Soon." Ad #3 was a muted gray. "Take in the view," the ad suggested, "Watch the ocean, dancing and glowing in her sapphire glory, every single day. Soon."
Ad #4 -- well, there was no ad #4. That was that. The same trio of ads ran again towards the end of January but advertising what? I'm still none the wiser. And now we have Pharaoh man. "Feel the sense of Royalty," blurbs the blurb.
"Soon." Any guesses? A new spa? Splash-on cologne? And Egyptian themed upmarket subdivision? Tutankhamun Townhouses? Rolls right off the tongue. Mentuhotep Gardens? No. Perhaps not.
My favorite advert on the idiot box at the moment is the Greenwich promo with the two guys taking the "Hey Bro" hand slapping routine to idiotic new lengths. I love it. Chuckle every times it comes on and that brings me to the next topic -- there's far too much seriousness about. An absence of absurdity. Of honest plain Thurber or Twain or Carroll and their nomsensical fun and thus my New year's resolution -- yes, I know it's March but weighty matters demand weighty deliberation -- is to try for more fun. I'm not going to wear a silly hat or reel out yards of "Have you heard this one?" Only try to raise a smile here and there.
On the serious issue look no further that Chillout's new better English column. When it first appeared I cheered a mental cheer; here was an opportunity for fun but what happens? Last Tuesday's column discussed the nuances of the country's native tongues and the number of letters to be counted in each of their alphabets. Who cares? And what possible bearing can such po-faced erudition have on the topic of better English?
I write by instinct rather than the rules -- it probably shows -- and a big mistake early on was to buy a handbook of style, which included such terms as gerund nominalization and resumptive modifiers. I wouldn't know a gerund if I fell over one and since that first Omigod riffle the tome has remained firmly unopened.
Lastly, lastly and way back in January, tucked away in the classified section, was an ad whose opening line read, "We need aggressive female."
