Saturday, April 05, 2008 Antalan: The need for sex education By Roger Antalan Dateline Igacos
"THREE To Get Married" is normally one of the topics discussed during the pre-nuptial seminars required for couples who want to avail of a church wedding. It simply means that there are three persons involved in the sacrament of matrimony: the groom, the bride, and God.
Nowadays, however, the phrase has taken on another meaning because of pre-marital pregnancies. Three to get married means the groom, the bride, and the baby inside.
As a local wit said: "Kaniadto ang kasal mag-agad sa lingin sa buwan; karon mag-agad sa lingin sa tiyan. (Before weddings fall during full moon; now it depends on the roundness of the stomach.)"
Many among us have attended church weddings where not even the skillful couturier's flowing bridal gown could hide "something here inside that cannot be denied."
Some parishes refuse to accept altar weddings if the girl is pregnant. This looks like a good policy especially if the couples are still young, both are jobless, and the pregnancy is unwanted. It has been observed that a lot of these so-called shotgun marriages have not turned out to be long lasting.
It is not advisable to solve a mistake with another mistake. As one writer, by the name of Sharper, once said: "Thus grief still treads upon the heels of pleasure, married in haste, we may repent at leisure."
More often than not, however, to the shocked parents of the pregnant girl, there is no other course of action but a church wedding or a civil ceremony in order to save face, to salvage the family honor and to give a name to the poor innocent baby. This reasoning is a throwback to a generation or two ago.
My grandfather used to give these homegrown illustrations when a boy and girl have a relationship: "Ang batan-ong lalaki sama sa kalo. Kung mahulog kalo lang gihapon. Ang batan-ong babaye sama sa baso. Kung mahulog ug mabuak, bildo na. (A boy is like a hat. If it falls, it will remain a hat. A girl is like a drinking glass. If it falls and breaks, it becomes a broken piece of glass.
It is always the girl who is at a disadvantage. If she is a student of nursing, her studies will have to be put on hold, while she is nursing a baby (Pardon the play on the word).
But as mentioned earlier, a marriage ceremony is not the solution to the problem. Allow for a period of time to elapse. If they are really meant for each other, they can still tie the binding knot when they mature and finish their schooling.
If it is of any comfort, nowadays in some communities, a teenager who gets pregnant is not anymore a big scandal. A father and a mother in our place took their daughter's predicament in stride, with equanimity. They took care of the baby, even proudly showing the handsome baby around. They sent their daughter back to school and did not insist on a wedding.
The boy-father was jobless and they did not want an extra mouth to feed. This particular couple believes that their daughter can still have a better future without being shackled by a forced wedding vow.
The bigger but related question is really how to prevent unwanted teenage pregnancies. We can safely say that teenage pregnancy is a "clear and present danger." It is the current permissive culture. Gone are the days when young ladies go on date with chaperons. A local funny man aptly described the present situation when he mimicked young lovers by blithely saying: "wala man mi magdulog, nagtapad man lang mi (Loosely translated: We didn't do it, we just slept side by side)." Tell that to the marines.
The fact of the matter is that most parents do not teach their teenagers the facts of reproduction. There is however a belated breaking news. Despite persistent lobbying by the Catholic Church, the Department of Education is bent on teaching sex education in the public high schools. The secondary school teachers will be provided with "adolescent reproductive health manuals," according to DepEd Secretary Jesli A. Lapus. Some quarters say that it's about time.
Last week, Davao Sun.Star (April 1, 2008 issue, B2) mentioned a US study stating that sex education can help prevent teen pregnancy. The study was done by the University in Washington in Seattle. The researchers found that teens who received comprehensive sex education were 60 percent less likely to get pregnant or to get someone pregnant than those who received no sex education at all.
There is still an ongoing debate about whether abstinence-only education or comprehensive sex education (including instruction in birth control) is best for students.
In the local scene, the LGU health office and the Barangay Health Workers (BHW) have been going around teaching the facts about human reproduction. The church workers are doing their share according to what is acceptable by the Catholic Church. The folks in the rural areas are very shy about the topic on sex education. Whatever the approach, the campaign must be intensified. The bottom line is really simple. Better safe than sorry.
