Wednesday, April 23, 2008 Family thieves and hoarders By Rene Lizada Papa's Table
IT WAS with a mixture of horror, amusement, curiosity and disbelief that I watched a news clip a few days ago. It showed a mother who got caught hoarding rice. The story went that this mother brought her children to line up to get some rice. And she got a substantial amount of rice and that would have been the end of the story except for two things. Hoarding is illegal and the mother got caught.
I was curious about what her justification would be. However to my surprise she did not give any excuse. She nonchalantly said that she just did it and she would do the same thing again. I think the phrase she used was, "hanggang may bigas, gagawin ko ito."
Nice example for a mother, I thought. But she is like that and we cannot do anything about it because nn truth we cannot do anything about our parents, siblings and ancestors. If our parents turn out to be thieves, gamblers, criminals, if they are selfish and hypocrites then what can we really do? If we have siblings who seem to come from the bowels of hell, what can we really do?
It is a curse sometimes that we cannot choose our family and the only thing that we can do is to just accept that they are like that. And perhaps heave a sigh of gratitude that we are not like them. As children we should learn that some of our parents are not we expect them to be.
A writer said it best when he wrote, "when we are young we adore our parents, as we grow older we learn to hate them and when we are old enough we forgive them." Our parents are not perfect as we are not perfect. But that does not mean that we have to remain shackled in their imperfections. We have after all a choice. We need to break free because if we do not do so then the curse remains. We learn from them. And we learn by watching.
I was reading a book by John Maxwell and there was a chapter in that book that dealt with families. A man made a study on why a certain family behaved so violently. In his research he found out that among the generations, which totaled 1,200, this certain family produced 140 criminals, 60 habitual thieves and 50 were common prostitutes. Their crimes included, burglary, attempted rape and assault with intent to kill.
Being a member of that family was not a good idea. Only those who escaped the curse of that family were the lucky ones. Even in the most dysfunctional families are decent people. A few yes, but at least they exist.
But the account does not end there. In that same time and location another family became the center of an investigation. But this time the results were different. That family produced 13 college presidents, 65 professors, 100 lawyers, which included a dean, 30 judges, 66 doctors, 3 senators, 3 governors, and a vice president.
It was good being in that family.
What was the difference? The parents, the siblings and the ancestors. And how they treated each other. As I said we cannot do anything about our ancestors and how they treated each other. We cannot do anything about our parents and other family members on how they have treated us but we can do something about how we treat our children.
How we raise our children, how we instill values and principles. We can control what we teach our children and we had better be careful because they have eternal consequences. What we teach will affect the lives of not only our children but their children's children as well.
As parents we better be careful on what we pass to our children. As parents it is a moral responsibility to let our children know what is right and wrong. As parents we should be brave enough to take the wrath and the hatred of our children when we correct them. It is not even a matter of silence; it is an issue of rightness and in order to do that we must be examples.
We must live out what we say and "sermonize." Otherwise we lose all moral ascendancy, all authority. A father who smokes cannot tell his children not to smoke. A mother cannot tell her children not be greedy when she is the living example of avarice. It is not only funny, it is stupid.
What do you think those children of that mother who hoarded rice will become like? What value is taught with "habang may bigas, gagawin ko ito." That is translated into:
1. I really do not care what happens to others.
2. We have to fend for ourselves and damn the rest.
3. Take, take, take.
4. It is okay that they starve as long as I am satisfied.
No wonder then why some families produce criminals. No wonder then why some families have vultures who hoard and steal. No wonder they take, take, take. They have learned from those who have elevated and perfected hoarding, stealing and taking to an art form.
