Sunday, May 04, 2008 Estremera: Friendship and stuff By Stella A. Estremera Spider's web
I CAN'T even remember much about kindergarten, except being bullied and earning those "Jesus Christ" badges (they're not badges, just colored cartolina cut into pieces and stamped with an image of Jesus Christ). And although I couldn't remember what my kindergarten best friend and I have been up to then, I remember the bullies and what they did.
In a surprise birthday party in which I was tasked to say something about the birthday celebrator, I was my perky self -- the perkiness was really nerves that saw me nibbling on my nails before my turn came, and rushing through my speech in a voice pitched higher and paced faster than normal voice (read: chipmunky) -- as I asked, "Who knows how kindergarten kids choose friends, anyway?" While I don't remember much about what I said... I spoke it so fast; my memory couldn't keep up, the question stuck. Yes, who knows how kindergarten children choose friends?
That question was brought up by the fact that the birthday celebrator was my best friend in kindergarten, and that was the only time our paths crossed until we met again when we were already in our 30s.
I can't even remember much about kindergarten, except being bullied and earning those "Baby Jesus" badges (they're not badges, just colored cartolina cut into pieces and stamped with an image of Baby Jesus). And although I couldn't remember what my kindergarten best friend and I have been up to then, I remember the bullies and what they did. Oh to be small and quiet...
Philip, another buddy who was with me, asked how old my friend is now. I also didn't know and had no intention of asking.
"You don't ask that when you're in kinder, do you?" I asked. He agreed. Yep, I doubt if you ever asked your buddy in kindergarten what year she was born. The year of our birth, while in kindergarten, is so insignificant as against the new life we find with other kids. Remember, in our time, there was just nursery (just one school year) and kindergarten (just one school year) before Grade 1, and almost all do not even pass through nursery and go straight to kindergarten. That meant, we were all first-time schoolers. Oh whee!
The question about how we chose friends when we were little kids remains a question. The memory of that time long gone just doesn't include such thoughts.
Among the growing young and adults, friendship can be the mask for some personal interest -- to be part of an in-crowd, to be associated with the rich and famous, to curry favors, to be thought as intellectual, an artist, a musician, etc. And of course, there's true friendship, and like the friendships made in kindergarten, true friendship can also not be explained. It just happens, and they stick.
Thus, as you approach middle age, you look through your friends and see a pattern in the selection you have made through the years. The pattern somehow gives a glimpse of yourself, as well. And so, while you can't quite explain how kindergarten children choose friends and how you choose true friends, you realize, friendship like love is better experienced and appreciated than analyzed. It's much like sausages, really. Sausages look so neat, all tied up in tubes, except that those tubes are really pigs and lambs' guts and the meat are ground and mixed in a bloody mess before these are stuffed into those pieces of guts. And yes, the local longganisa can be worse. Appetizing thoughts... much like friendship if you insist on nitpicking about all its nuances and meanings.
