Friday, September 12, 2008 Antalan: Conversation By Roger P. Antalan Dateline IGaCoS
CONVERSATION is defined by the Webster's Dictionary as "informal talk or exchange of ideas, opinions, etc. between people." It has been observed in the past that television has killed conversation in the home. In more recent times, one can include the computer games and the Internet. Because of these modern day toys people don't talk to each other anymore.
There are other instances where conversation has gone out of vogue. A story is told about a young man in his first year of college. He had almost everything that he needs. But his parents were too busy with their work. They had no time at all to talk to him, to check about his studies. At the end of the school year, the busy parents were shocked to find out that their son had failed most of his subjects.
Sometimes, conversation turns sour. A group of lady employees where in a van going to a project. All the way, there was endless chatter about the lives of the department heads and their fellow employees. After dissecting the spicy tidbits of the hapless and absent subjects, one of them declared: "Ganyan lang talaga ang gulong ng palad. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down". Everybody had a good laugh.
Here's a scenario that is commonly observed. On Friday nights, or perhaps on paydays, a group of friends gather in their favorite hangout, drinking beer, and eating pulutans. Empty beer bottles are cluttered on the table or under it.
What kind of conversation did they have during those hours of drinking?
On the other hand, a good conversation can lead to a better relationship and even better opportunities. A young waiter was waiting to go home after his duties at a small eatery. A couple from out of town approached him and asked for directions. The young man personally guided them to the house the couple was looking for. On the way, the visitors asked about the young man's work and his family. Impressed by the young man's character during the brief informal talk, the couple offered him a better-paying job, if he wants to.
Every week, five couples from different parts of Davao City meet for what is called the Household Meeting. They belong to the Couples For Christ Organization. They gather for prayers, singing, light merienda and lots of sharing about their work, family and children and other learning experiences. The weekly gathering has made them very close friends; they eagerly look forward to the meetings.
At first the young girl was a bit shy but eventually she allowed a little conversation. Asked why she walks to school when others take a ride, she answered: "We are poor. Sayang ang eight (8) pesos. I save them for important projects in school. It's also good exercise. And I love talking to my classmates going to and from the school."
The art of good communication is something we cannot afford to lose. Many young people nowadays complain that their parents "do not have time for us", "do not talk to us?, "they only give orders". They dislike to be always reminded by parents that, "during their time, children were respectful and obedient to their elders."
On the other hand, concerned parents of rebellious or independent-minded children are worried. It is not true that they have no time for their kids. The parents want to talk but their kids do not want to talk, do not want to listen. They try to avoid giving sermons. But the kids simply keep quiet and go to their rooms.
Rebecca West once said: "There is no such thing as conversation. It is an illusion. There are only interacting monologues, that is all."
The suggestion is that there are preliminary steps to take towards a good and fruitful conversation, whether among parents and children, among fellow workers, peers and subordinates. As a start, someone said: "confidence contributes more to conversation than wit". Make them feel at home in your presence. Make them feel important. Nietszche has this to say: "One person seeks a midwife for his thoughts; the other, someone he can assist. Here is the origin of a good conversation."
Emily Post, the master of etiquette, wrote: "Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as of many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit and oratory." Seneca added: "Conversation has a kind of charm about it, an insinuating and insidious something that elicits from us just like love or liquor."
"The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered, but a general effect of pleasing impressions," this coming from Samuel Johnson. We all need to "shoot the breeze" from time to time. It does not cost much. It lifts up the heart and the spirit. So why not enjoy the company of like-minded friends and your loved ones in happy conversation?
