CLOSE the bedroom door before coming out. If your child comes out of the bedroom, return her immediately to her bed. During this process, avoid any lectures and skip the hug and kiss. Get good eye contact and remind her again that she cannot leave her bedroom during the night.
Warn her that if she comes out again, you're sorry but you will need to close the door. If she comes out, close the door. Tell her, "I'll be happy to open your door as soon as you're in your bed." If your child says she's in her bed, open the door. If she screams, every 15 minutes, open the door just enough to ask your child if she's in her bed now.
* Lock the bedroom door or put up a barricade for repeated coming out. If your child is very determined and continues to come out of the bedroom, consider putting a barricade in front of her door, such as a strong gate.
A half-door or plywood plank may also serve this purpose. If your child makes a ruckus at night, you can go to her without taking her out of her bedroom and say "Everyone is sleeping; I'll see you in the morning."
* If your child learns to climb over the barricade, a full door may need to be kept closed until morning with a push-button lock, hook and eyelet screw, piece of rope, or chain lock. Although you may consider this step extreme, it can be critical for protecting children less than five years old who wander through the house at night without an understanding of its dangers (such as stove, hot water, electricity, knives and going outdoors).
* Reassurance is essential. If your child does not get into trouble at night, you can open the door as soon as he falls asleep. Reassure her that you will do this. Also, each night give her a fresh chance to stay in the bedroom with the door open. (Caution: If your child has bedtime fears, don't close her door. Get her some counseling.)
* If your child comes into your bed at night, return her to her own bed. For middle-of-the-night attempts to crawl into your bed, unless your child is fearful, sternly order your child back to her own bed. If she doesn't move, escort her back immediately without any physical contact or pleasant conversation.
If you are asleep when your child crawls into your bed, return her as soon as you discover her presence. If she attempts to come out again, lock her door until morning. If you are a deep sleeper, consider using some signaling device that will awaken you if your child enters your bedroom (such as a chair placed against your door or a loud bell attached to your doorknob).
For children over age 5, some parents simply lock their bedroom door or put a stop sign poster on the outside of it. Remind your child that it is not polite to interrupt other people's sleep. Tell her that if she awakens at night and can't go back to sleep, she can read or play quietly in her room, but she is not to bother her parents.
* If your child awakens you at night with screaming demands, visit her briefly. Reassure her that she is safe. If she needs her blankets readjusted, help her do this. Then leave. On the following day teach her how to solve independently any complaints she makes during the night. (Remind your child that it is not polite to awaken people at night. Tell her that if she awakens at night and can't go back to sleep, she can read or play quietly on her room).
* Help the roommate. If the bedtime screaming wakes up a roommate, have the well-behaved sibling sleep in a separate room until the nighttime behavior has improved. Tell your child with the sleep problem that her roommate cannot return until she stays in her room quietly for three consecutive nights. If you have a small home, have the sibling sleep in your room temporarily and this will be an added incentive for your other child to improve.
* Awaken your child at the regular time each morning. Even if she fought bedtime and fell asleep late, wake her up at the regular time so she will be tired earlier the next evening.
* Start bedtime later if you want to minimize bedtime crying. The later the bedtime the more tired your child will be and the less resistance she will offer. For most children, you can pick the bedtime hour. For children who are very stubborn and cry a lot, you may want to start the bedtime at 10 p.m. (or whenever your child naturally falls asleep).
If the bedtime is at 10 p.m., start the bedtime ritual at 9:30 pm. After your child learns to fall asleep without fussing at 10 pm, move the bedtime back by 15 minutes every week. In children who can't tell time, you can gradually (over 8 weeks or so) achieve an 8 p.m. bedtime in this way with many fewer tantrums (this technique was described by Adams and Rickert in 1989).
However, don't let your child sleep late in the morning or you won't be able to advance the bedtime. MTM.
