Wednesday, October 15, 2008 Pros and Cons of sleeping with parents
IN GENERAL, bed sharing is not recommended. Although it's not harmful for your children to sleep with you, it's necessary and it may cause problems for you. Once begun, it's a rather hard habit undo, so don't start until you have all the facts.
* Your child doesn't need this arrangement to be secure and happy. Children's fears and insecurities can be dealt with during the day. Children can turn out fine either way. The majority of children in the United States sleep happily in their own bed. In poor countries, families sleep together by necessity.
* Bed sharing is not quality time. If your child is asleep in your bed, it is neutral time. If your child is crying and keeping you awake, it is aggravating time to. So there is really no quality time here.
* Neither parents nor child get a good night's sleep. Several studies have shown that over 50 percent of children who sleep with parents resist going to bed and awaken several times at night. Most parents who bed-share have to lie down with their child for 30 to 60 minutes to get them to sleep.
Most of these parents also do not get a good night's sleep and become sleep deprived. Sleeping with your child is a bad choice if you are a light sleeper and also need your sleep because your work outside the home.
* Bed sharing is never a long-term solution to sleep problems. Your child will not learn to sleep well in your bed and then decide on his own to start sleeping in his bed. With every passing month, the habit becomes harder to change. Your child can no longer sleep alone.
* There is no evidence that bed sharing produces children who are more spoiled or dependent.
Prevention of Bed Sharing
* During infancy, place you child in the crib when he is drowsy but awake. In this way he will learn to put himself back to sleep following normal awakenings.
* Make middle-of-the-night feedings brief and boring. This is hard to do if you are sleeping with your child.
* Put your child in his own room by 3 or 4 months of age. Have a rule that he does not leave the crib at night, and after 2 years old, that he does not leave the bedroom. Most children in the United States follow these guidelines and do just fine.
* If you must sleep in the same room with your infant, don't allow him to see you during his normal awakenings. If he does, it's an invitation to wake you to play. Instead, cover the side of his crib with something (e.g., firmly attached blanket).
* After five months of age, encourage a soft toy or stuffed animal as a security object. Otherwise he may select you as his security object.
Putting an End to Bed Sharing
If you are sleeping with your child and want to stop it, here are some suggestions:
* Tell the child the new rule. "You are too old to sleep with us anymore. You have your bed, and we have our bed. Starting tonight, we want you to stay in your bed during the night."
* For being a "good sleeper" who sleeps in his bedroom all night, give him a treat with breakfast.
* If the child leaves the bedroom, return him immediately. If he does it again, close the door until he's in his bed.
* If the child crawls into your bed during the night, order him back to his own bed using a firm voice. If he doesn't move, escort him back immediately without any conversation.
* If you are asleep when the child crawls into your bed, return him as soon as you discover him. If he attempts to come out again, temporarily close his door. If you are a deep sleeper, consider using some signaling device that will awaken you if your child enters your bedroom (such as a chair placed against your door or a loud bell attached to your doorknob). Some parents simply lock their bedroom door.
Remind your child that: "it is not polite to wake people who are sleeping unless it's an emergency."
* Expect some crying. Young children normally cry when they don't get their way. But continue to be firm and you will win back the privacy of your bed. (MTM)
