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Monday, March 01, 2004
Pagharion: EudoraRat Express v.2
By Francis GMS Pagharion
TIME flies so fast, you get burned out right away after a lunch meeting or just before sundown. Weird it may seem, I find it relaxing to hear crickets chirp amid the heavy city traffic. So after sipping a glass of dry martini at Cicada Bar, I would sometimes head for the nearest internet station and check my Inbox (yes please, keep the mails coming, and make every message fabulously brief).
For years of being a resplendent geek, I've tried several email tools, which I can attest that quite a few would not be so perked up with their features since they all just work on the same concept: Managing Emails.
But honestly, electronic mail is the Internet's Killer application since Arpanet started it all (Read: Advanced Research Projects Agency Network) and opened new frontiers to the computing community.
You can either be overwhelmed by the flood of messages, or make your computer nauseous big time. So sit back, pop a pill and read as I list below the ways to tame that inbox, turning it like a domesticated and cultured rat, gradually - if not, in the future.
If you like to have spam for breakfast, definitely you will disgust the thought of it in your inbox. Examples of such are ads for porn, medication, and personal enhancements putting much emphasis on your modest endowment. Web-based email services (NewYork.com, Racedriver.com, P*t*ng*n*.com, and a lot more to name a few) and Email tools (MS Outlook, Eudora, etc.) have built-in spam filters nowadays.
Still, it is better to install either SpamKiller (by McAfee) or AntiSpam 2004 (by Norton).
Second, if you want your rat to be so domesticated and cultured, teach it how to follow your rules. You can let your Rat scan incoming messages, move them into folders and possibly send automated retorts.
Microsoft Outlook Express (MSOE) lets you apply any rule you make in your inbox. Now, it's a walk-on-the-moon experience to look for an email from that gorgeous honcho at work and automatically stuff it in a folder named Mr. Biggy.
After catching yourself sending a gazillion of messages to the same entities, you can let your Rat create a distribution list for you. So instead of typing email addresses of Aretha, Billy, Cher and Madonna, collaborate with your rat to put them in a group so you just type a word or two like Diva Network to reach all four. Or if you periodically email identical reports to 40 co-workers which can really worsen your Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, and jolt your being obsessive-compulsive, you can just type "40 Thieves" and laugh your head off after popping a pain-killer.
If you plan to email 22 megabytes of self-pics to your Cheesecake, think again. You are better off burning the pictures into a CD and send it through a courier. Usually, Internet Service Providers limit attachments to 5-10 megabytes and will remove anything bigger. Try visiting Yahoo.com, Hotmail.com or the hosts I mentioned on the first item, for information on how to stash files online. But remember there's no such thing as free lunch, they might charge you a buck or more.
Before opening file attachments, always use an anti-virus program to scan them. Worms have mutated so much nowadays; they've explored living in cyberspace rather than just confine themselves underground or in some government offices. Tsk, tsk, tsk, they have really kept up with the times and they've multiplied by sending themselves to every address inside a victim's email program as an attachment. In this case, familiarity bridges not only beyond contempt but cyber-holocaust.
If you were unsure of the relevance of newsletters in your inbox, it would be good to unsubscribe. If you leave too many messages in your inbox, there is a possibility your email software will crash. So, delete messages that are not important to you and organize in folders whatever is left. You will never know when you will want a hard copy of the love letter that honcho sent you ages ago.
After everything has been written, I hope this would help your mailer transcend from being a stressed-out rat to a Buddha-centric rodent.
Blame it all on the Honcho, baby!
(February 28, 2004 issue)
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