|
Monday, April 10, 2006
Sloth and the Quest for Perfection
By Lady Ochel C. Espinosa
A MALE bear is called a boar, and a female bear is called a sow. Together, this company of bears is called a sloth of bears. The bear is not related to the pig in any way. It also has very little to do with the sloth; it is neither slow moving nor considered lazy, but 'sloth' has become its collective noun. Maybe if it didn't spend so much time hibernating, it would not have attained such a derogatory label. But then again, is that any worse than the conscious hibernation that we have beset upon ourselves and our generation?
Sloth: An Indulgence
Sloth to a biologist is that "all-day-all-night" sleeping mammal; sloth to a religious fanatic is one of the seven deadly sins. But on a different note, sloth has ironically been the greatest inspiration for all kinds of inventions throughout history. Lack of motivation has been motivating us to create new things that will make our sedentary lifestyles even more sedentary.
Could you imagine if we weren't lazy enough to invent the remote control? How different would our lives be if we were all willing to stand up to change channels? What if we didn't mind slaving over a hot stove and never invented the microwave? How would we make popcorn now? What if I actually had to type this article on a typewriter, and I had to check all the spelling myself? That would be horrendous! I must admit, my spelling can sometimes be atrocious. Thanks to our aversion to work or exertion, laziness and indolence, we have all these amazing quick fixes, like copying and pasting. We never have to work hard to make ourselves seem better. In today's society, we're all about the quick fix, and the 'instant' ways.
For example, are you out of shape, like most people are? Traditionally, we would have to literally work our asses off. However, thanks to some pioneering minds motivated by sloth, we have all sorts of methods that don't involve actual work. Just turn on the television at some time when nobody really watches and you'll see amazing machines that do all the work for you.
Amazing Alternatives
During my recent "bumming-around-and-hibernating" days, I had all the time in the world to even bother watch infomercials. A particularly interesting one, the Super Machine * apparently makes you thinner by stimulating the muscles in your abdomen or thighs with an electric current, therefore creating an alternative to actual exercise. Isn't it great that we live in a time when we can tone our abs by sending an electric current through them? Come to think of it, isn't it great that we live in a time when we have a reason to send an electric current through ourselves? Excuse my sarcasm, but I believe that these sugar-coated innovations forget to inform us that heart palpitations, muscle spasms and skin burn are very much associated with electrocution.
I personally checked their website, and this is what I came across with: "The Super Machine* is so effortless that you can be watching your favorite television program, reading a book or even cooking dinner while getting your body into the shape you want it." Isn't that absolutely fantastic? And if it's on the Internet, people believe that it MUST be true.
Of course this isn't the first exercise "machine" to do your work for you. We all remember those funky vibrating belt things that jiggle your fat around. While that machine may have come first, and while practically everything that vibrates is innately good, the Super Machine * takes the cake because you don't need to be standing to get into shape. God bless the indomitable laziness of people. All you need to do is sit around like you always do and let electricity perform its miracles.
But why stop there? I may sound like a skeptic, but the Super Machine * is still held back by the fact that you have to get up and put on the stupid thing, and being that you're probably really fat if you're using it, it takes quite a bit of effort to actually reach around your gut to secure this miracle belt.
Who wants a "Coca-Cola" Body?
There are even simpler and lazier ways to get thin. How about those crazy Bangkok pills? They work by suppressing your appetite, making you feel full even when you're in dire need of nutrients. This way, you won't even have to get up to go eat. Could you imagine how much time you'll save by not having to go to the refrigerator to eat? And you'll be getting thin, too!
Think again.
If you're the type that still enjoys tasting food, how about bouts of bulimia? By inducing vomiting, you even get to taste your food twice! Now there is another tried and true method of getting thinner. We even have supermodels to look up to when we hurl our lunch. It can't be wrong if the supermodels are doing it, right?
Think again.
Or better yet, drink some canal water and develop a parasite. Not only is this a guaranteed method for getting thinner, but you'll spend the next few weeks in bed getting thinner. That's what I call a win-win situation. If you're really lucky, the lack of nutrition and movement will cause some neurological damage and put you into coma. You'll be lying on your back sleeping for months on end, while an entire hospital staff looks after your every need.
That should really make you think.
I might sound very sarcastic but isn't it that we live in a world wherein people decide to get fit, ambition to become thinner, but hope to get the "coca-cola" body without altering the indubitable sedentary lifestyle?
While all those crazy health junkies are slaving away, looking great and feeling great because of exercise programs, one can lie in his or her bed and laugh as he or she takes the quick fix. Surely, they feel a little sick, but the consolation is at least you're getting thinner, right? And you didn't have to work at it.
Embrace Thy Self
Seriously, I do not in any way support the use of drugs, promotion of eating disorders, drinking canal water, or buying anything from a shopping channel, but people of my generation are embracing the banality of these crazy overnight sensations.
We are now facing one of the biggest criticisms of our generation. The apparent incapacity or perhaps, resistance for diligence and hard work make it harder for many of us to gyrate and catch up with the dance of life. There comes a time when a person has to expand horizons and undergo several incarnations, each persona more daring than the last.
After all the funny adventures and misadventures of being who you are in spite of what you may look like, I believe that people should stop getting so worked up by all of these hullabaloos ,since these are really just part of a media-cum-society-dictated image. It is only to be expected that one must go on, embrace thy self and be different. Our easy way to perfection is much like a promising love affair that begins with laughter and much hope, but ends in utter disappointment with tears and regret.
* Name has been changed
(April 10, 2006 issue)
Write letter to the editor. Click here.
Join the Sun.Star message board. Click here. |
|
[return to top]
[home]
[network page]
|
LOCAL NEWS
BUSINESS
OPINION
SPORTS
LIFESTYLE
FEATURE
|
