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Monday, May 22, 2006
Valenciana, spaghetti, fruit salad and decency
By Vincent Alocada
AT THE early part of my birthday last month, I was disappointed because of two broken promises coming from two different souls who told me to trust them. Despite the disappointment though, I knew I had to celebrate to welcome my last year in the calendar. Heavy as my heart was, I still managed to prepare some food I would later share to my officemates at lunchtime. Nothing grandiose and extravagant, but I made them myself: Valenciana, spaghetti and fruit salad.
I had to eat my lunch somewhere and wasn't around when my officemates shared my basic culinary creations. When I returned after lunch, for the very first time on my birthday, I had a good laugh. You see, I have this nemesis in the office who partook in the lunch, without having been invited. Well, I don't really mind that he ate. Afterall, I gave no specific instructions as to who could eat and could not. But the thing was, he remarked, "O, mga plastic kaon na kamo di" while helping himself. Tsk, tsk,tsk. How hilarious! A good future topic for my column, I thought.
Truth be told, I and the one who said that used to be good friends. We would eat lunch together, confide in each other although I could always feel that he was always holding back something from me in contrast to how open I was to him. We were close (or at least I thought) but eventually everything was brought to light. But, that wasn't really the issue that made us at odds. You see, he has this habit of making others believe that he's cool with them whenever he talks to them, but the moment they turn their back, he would sing a completely different tune: something unpleasant to the ears, so to speak.
One time, I told him, "Grabe ka no. Kaya mo ya makipag-plastikan" after he praised the fashion of and displayed sweet gestures to an officemate he detested. His reply?
"That's life Vince. Kilanglan kabalo ka makipagplastikan. Amo mo na problema sa imo kay sobra ka kaprangka."
Then came the day when we had to burn bridges last year. No, I won't care to elaborate on the hows and whys. If I told you the details, it might turn out to be a teleserye. And before you think it's because of something romantic, no, no, no. Let's put it this way: he played the game called 'blame the victim'. And he played it really dirty---as dirty as his skin. But in fairness to me, even if I'm branded as maldita and taklesa, I tried to patch things up with him---even if I saw no logical reason to do so. You know, for the sake of pinagsamahan and world peace. But, the effort ended in smoke. Good riddance for both of us, I have to say.
With all the snide remarks and other attempts we do to get under each other's skin whenever both of us are in the mood to bitch around, who would have expected that he would actually do what he did at the lunchtime of April 24? I mean, the remark was nothing phenomenal. But I'd have to say that I didn't see the food part coming. After all the demolition plan he and his ally have orchestrated to crush me, he still had the guts to swallow what I prepared. Simply because I wasn't there? Again, it's okay with me. As they say, feed the hungry.
With at least five people (aware of the ongoing rift between us) voluntarily telling me what he said and did, he has undeniably shamed himself. With four more people asking me why he said that, he degraded himself. Although I know he's not and those people labelling him as PG (patay gutom) didn't mean it, but to be called as such is embarrassing. I know he's not PG. He' s rich. As a matter of fact that is the reason why he's often condescending.
Puh-leeeze, don't get me wrong here. I'm not mad over his eating my food. In fact, that made me smile thinking that probably he found my food so luscious and tempting that he abandoned his pride for a while. That can mean I actually have the culinary expertise to make someone do that. Whaapakkk!!!! That incident really jumpstarted my birthday fun.
The reason why I'm sharing this with you is because----well, to those who have enemies, just in case you find yourself in the same situation, I hope you learn these pointers to avert harvesting undesirable comments. Here goes:
1. If you're hungry, don't talk, just eat the food of your enemy.
2.If you can't stop yourself from making remarks, make sure that those people around you really like you and can take whatever you say in stride and would praise you for being funny, even if you're not. There's a difference between being tactless and simply being mean. Furthermore, being mean doesn't mean being funny.
3. For decency's sake, even if your enemy isn't around, don't eat the food he has prepared. If you really want, pretend you and your enemy are good friends. Say, "Well he's really my good friend. His cooking skill is really bang up, isn't it?"
4. Forget the illusion that everybody's on your side and you won't get criticized for your words and actions.
5. Learn to cook spaghetti, valenciana or prepare fruit salad. They're a breeze. Also, learn to cook pork estofado, pizza, gambas and meatballs with mushroom sauce. Just in case your enemy brings some food, you might be able to resist your gastronomic pangs and say, "Puh-leeze. Who wants your food? I can cook better."
(May 22, 2006 issue)
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