Wednesday, February 21, 2007 Te: Visions of love By Jeanne Tan Te Flavors
THE fact is that there really is no formula for a perfect relationship nor an ideal man or woman. The only permanent thing in love is actually loving yourself.
Where Is the Man That I Used to Know? Most relationships start out with a lot of hopes and promises: hold each other's hands (a.k.a. hawak-kamay); be there for each other; kiss her tears away; celebrate together birthdays, Valentines', Christmases, New Years', graduations, promotions, little triumphs, big successes; go on romantic trips; meet the parents; etcetera, etcetera. These are images that we usually draw within our minds when we think about getting into a romance. (I apologize for the limited examples from a female point of view. I have never been a man so. But anyway...) Weeks and or months later, you start getting into fights. Sometimes, your plight escalates to getting-into-each-other's-nerves. In some cases, you simply get disillusioned and say "Where is the man (or woman) that I used to know?"
"We used to celebrate anni-month-saries. Now he doesn't even remember my birthday unless I remind him."
"We used to be fun. We would play. Now he's always on business trips. We used to talk. But now, whenever I start out a conversation saying that we need to discuss our problems, he starts snoring..."
"He used to be a sweet, thoughtful guy...He used to give me flowers... He used to make me laugh... He used to, she used to, we used to. You know what they say; you'll never know a person's true color unless you spend time with him or her. In peculiar cases, you seem to have a thoughtful, responsible, romantic, perfect partner. Then one day, you discover he's been having an affair - with someone of the same sex; or he's killed more than ten people; or he's embezzled millions of money in his office.
I don't Know Myself Anymore
Most of us have certain criteria and ideals which we expect out of our partners or our relationships. We all have individual differences and eccentricities as well. And experience will teach us that one cannot change another person completely. Yes, couples work things out. But they make compromises. Others however compromise to the point where they have given up too much of their real identities and their dreams. They do transform into the ideal girlfriend or wife, the responsible husband, or the doting mother. Yet, in their most private moments they would often wonder "What happened to me? I don't know myself anymore."
What Else is Missing
We involve ourselves in relationships for different reasons, mostly out of love. But even with people who sincerely love each other, there is no assurance that questions like "What's missing in my life?" wouldn't pop up. The fact is that there really is no formula for a perfect relationship nor an ideal man or woman. The only permanent thing in love is actually loving yourself. If you value yourself well, people will respect and love you back for what or who you are. And if they don't, well...you only have yourself and your beliefs to hang on to. More importantly, you have to know yourself better than anybody else. Don't wait for dramatic lines in your relationship to go "I feel so used and abused" or worse, "Where is the man (or woman) that I married". OMG, annulment costs a lot of money, you know! (te_jeanne@yahoo.com)
