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Sunday, November 23, 2003
Gueco: Forgiven
By Malu Gueco
TWENTY-fours years ago, on November 23, 1979, my beloved mom, Salom S. Gueco, passed away.
Being very attached to her, I felt that the world collapsed on me. A dark and brooding mourning cloak wrapped my heart in distress. Henceforth, for a year I could hardly muster to faintly smile.
Since I was working in a bank, that day I postponed my visit to her until after office hours. Alas! She went into coma at 3:00 p.m. and expired later at around 7:00 p.m. Oh God! What a tragic blow to lose your dearest one.
Pain, sorrow and guilt became my ultimate companions. I was not there to hold her hand as she gasped for her last breath. I was not able to gently wipe her tears as she unconsciously dealt with the angst of leaving our physical plane. How I wished that I was there to embrace her and tenderly tell her, "I am sorry, very sorry for al the hurts I might have caused you, mommy darling."
Thereto, I carried the bag of desolation on my back for eighteen years. Mercifully, a few years ago I attended a seminar of forgiveness by the famous trio of Dennis, Matthew and Sheila Linn. In one exercise, they asked us to return to the saddest point of our life.
Returning to her hospital room and visualizing that we were embracing each other - it was as if my mom was there and she kindly looked into my eyes. Softly, she whispered, "I love you unconditionally. I have long ago forgiven you. It is now time to forgive yourself."
The dam of tears broke through. At last! The burden of guilt was taken from my heart. Yes, the insight dawned on me. It was my own mind that kept me a prisoner of agony for the past 18 years. It was time to let go and to move on.
Today, I honor, remember and feel my love for her. No more unfinished business for both of us. May this thought reach her wherever she is - I love you, mommy darling, please welcome me home when it is my time to go.
(November 23, 2003 issue)
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