IF THE man of the house gets amorous and suddenly curious of the physical condition of his partner, he has reason enough - it is Mother’s Day!
After several years, the average husband wakes up on a May morning, gropes his wife to find her body has grossly depreciated.
In due time a woman's body ceases to be a source of (sexual) wonder for her husband. The first to go are the breasts, they would feel like enormous cotton balls in the hand. But she is loveable
It was quite recently that the wife, like a sleek late model car from the Laus Carworld, was in perfect shape. She starts after a click, purrs on acceleration, and responds to the husband’s caresses with precision.
Today the same mom body shows palpable depreciation not only in performance but also along physical lines. Signs of bumps on the butt, bruises on the abdomen, with nipples like inflated cauliflower are tell-tale evidence of premature aging.
In bed the husband feels like the neighborhood brat who has grown tired of his bicycle, or like the musician who could not play good music in an old violin.
It is unfair and unkind - at least during Mother's Day- for the men to joke about the wives' website of stretch marks. Her tummy shakes like a deflated air bag when she is distressed or overjoyed
Such physical changes are the badges of a mother's love, nurturing, and caring. If nature dictates that childbirth is alternately the function of both male and female, there will only be one child in every family.
Contrast the woman's child bearing function to the pleasure- oriented husband whose bloated belly is the result of accumulated beer, hard drinks, "sisig, sitsaron bulaklak, and smelly chicken paldeut."
It is unfair to the wife when the husband expects her to be in fine shape and sexy all the time. After giving birth, a woman ceases to be romantic. It is untimely and selfish of the husband to have sex on demand or expect to see the original version of her shapely body.
I admire certain men who do not rate their wives' "desirability" by the state of their waistline. They respect the vicissitude of time and the changing of the seasons.
These men know that the latest BMW or Ferrari model of today will depreciate in due time. Take my media friend for instance. He loves to take the missis out to places. Like a vintage car enthusiast, he regularly drives the collector's item to a road test.
As long as it runs the distance and takes him to his destination (biyaheng langit) the man sees the old woman as a precious possession.
Now with several grandchildren in tow, her hair disarrayed and smelling of sun, “suka” and child urine, the good Kapampangan woman retains her charm and gentility. She is sweet of temper and does not nag. These are some of her virtues that make a Ginebra husband hurry home after work.
"Agyang babau ya pang kambing, panintunin ke pa murin," nganang Atsing Maring of her husband.
"Yaku man," sinabi nang Tatang Martin, "Bau ya mang aslam sasa, lalo kung mikagana."
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This appears in my forthcoming book “Goin’ Bananas & Other Essays”