Allan: Having daughters without a husband

SENSIBLE people would realize that in every relationship there are sacrifices to be made. When couples are separated, some will realize their mistakes and own up, others never learn. Many end up being solo parents when separations become final. Many would support them to cope with the gargantuan task of raising up children without a spouse. It is emotional as it affects social, physical, financial, psychological challenges of family life. Many solo parents have raised model children. Their children become successful and balanced individuals despite the abnormal dysfunctional families they grew up in.

So, the “na ano lang” comment of Senator Tito Sotto during the appointment confirmation of Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) Secretary Judy Taguiwalo is condemnable by women and children who have experienced the trials of solo parenting. Equally so, detested by those who are of sane mind and unfortunately defended by people who have a low appreciation of humanity. The incident showed the strength of Secretary Taguiwalo and the weakness of the Senator. Many have written about it and so this is just one of those reactions.

More are condemning the sexist, insensitive, irresponsible, oppressive remarks of Tito Sotto, a husband of many and a father of a solo parent. And comes election time, he will be voted upon. It is the culture of the Filipino electorate, too short memory and they decide on the election campaign period, not on who he is and stand for, not what the person can do. At the same time, it brought out stories of men and women who proudly call themselves solo parents, and more anecdotes of children of solo parents. It is a reflection of a Filipino culture indeed.

In another side of the world, I overheard children talking. Girly said, “I have two mothers, because I now have a new mother.” Gigie says: “how can you have two mothers, but I only have one mother. Girly said “I have a first mother and then I have a new mother, they love me both” Benjie jokingly butts in “Yes, one mother and is eager to send us away because she does not love us.” Silence, then Gigie cries. When the mother of Gigir and Benjie arrives, the mother hugs the kids and the girl burst into tears. In childhood and in adulthood, males have a way of hurting females.

In many cultures, the unwed mother has been at a disadvantage and shamed. But God is a God for all people, in any circumstance and is a defender of the oppressed and the suffering. It is not easy for the ordinary person, the disciples of Christ to be embracing of women, no matter what the circumstance, no matter what status, no matter what nation. The struggles of the ordinary woman are varied, more are the hurdles that the mother without a husband – separated or widowed. These women need the support, the encouragement, the compassion and not the shaming , the ridicule, the insult or the abuse. Shame on you Tito Sotto and others like you!

Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, I violated the Lord’s command...” (I Sam 15:24)

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