Ober Khok

YOU know the old diet they call “see food.”

You can see all the food—admire the lovely goulash, the perfect galatina, the fragrant farmer’s soup, but you can’t eat any of them.

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It’s an old joke, too, so that’s why you’re not laughing out loud. Besides, there’s nothing funny about dieting.

Here’s good news. Have you heard about the latest diet fad? It’s called eat-all-you-can diet. No, that’s not a typographical error.

In this diet, there are no calories to count, no cholesterol restrictions, no salt limitations, no cola bans—name your dream food, you can eat it.

So now you think dieticians have created a slimming Utopia for you. Gotcha! Think again.

Like all trick diets, the eat-all-you-can program has a hitch. You can eat all the lechon, leche flan, carrot cake, pasta, and everything on the table but you can’t swallow what you are eating. That’s right.

You are getting frustrated by the second, which is what diets do to you anyway. There you are, for months sacrificing your appetite for the sake of a tinier waistline, when just one slip or two during Christmas will make all the fat return with vengeance and in the wrong places, too.

You might as well try the “nut, a good diet.”

It’s a sensible program fit for anyone trying to get fit again. Sorry for being repetitious with words today, but saying the same word again just makes me smile.

In the nut diet, the person trying to lose some weight has many food options. The first step is to go to the table and make a selection. Everything is allowed, by the way.

Once the person has made a choice, he has to go to the program checklist. For example, next to the word “pork chop,” the person might find the warning “not a good diet; heavy on cholesterol; better eat raw carrots.”

Of course, man can’t live by carrots alone, and so the person has to go back to the table to pick out another item, for example a rich cheese cake.

The checklist wags its finger and says “not a good diet; too much sugar; better eat celery.”

Really hungry now, the person grabs a glass of mango shake.

Again the checklist harrumphs “not a good diet; has artificial juice and coloring, and too much sugar; better have an ice cube.”

As you can see, the nut diet is not good at all. It leaves nothing but leaves and other green things for you to eat.

Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing objectionable with vegetables. I like vegetables. I adore vegetables.

I have an affair with vegetables.

In the coming Year of the Tiger, a diet of chlorophyll will make us strong and the envy of our neighbors. I just don’t know if we will roar like a tiger, but for sure we will have a ball on the green. Go, ask Tiger Woods. (Gee, I just can’t resist puns even if they don’t make sense. I think this is the effect of the latest diet I am following.

Wouldn’t you want to know what it is!)