M: He is in love with a lady who has two children with two different men. While he loves her, he also has some issues with the situation. Well, for me, if he loves her, he will try to deal with the situation. But what situation are we talking about exactly? He has to clarify first in his mind what really bothers him because at the end of the day, loving someone is not just about feeling the love, but also deciding to love no matter the circumstances.
DJ: So our friend is in love with a woman who has kids? Now what? I was actually tempted to write, “so what?” But I know it isn’t just as simple as that. It takes a special dude to build a relationship with someone who has children. By now, he must have realized that he’s not necessarily the first priority. But it is a blessing that he’s with someone who values taking care of her kids. The bond between a woman and her child is the true definition of unconditional love. The best way, I believe, is for him to get involved too. Because if he’s thinking to be in her life long-term, her kids are part of the deal. He can start by showing up. He just needs to be there, to listen, participate and be consistent with his presence.
M: If there is one thing that can be said about his lady love, she is prolific! The fact that she decided to have her two kids even if she did not end up with any of their fathers, says a lot. There are others who do not take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. Just recently, a two-month-old baby boy was found abandoned among the piles of garbage at a dumpsite. This angers me. The mother could have given him up for adoption or asked a relative to help her take care of her child if she was unable or unwilling to do so. For this guy who is in love with this mother of two, you are blessed to love a woman who puts her children first above herself. Her past does not define her future.
DJ: Of course, he’s got to learn to deal with another important person in the kids’ life—their fathers. I think that accepting the woman he loves for who she is also means accepting the reality that their relationship with them—whether good or bad—plays a role in their lives. And however he chooses to address the situation, the most important thing is for him and his girlfriend to be on the same page. If a father is present, it matters that he understands what his role in the kid’s life is and what type of relationship the two parents have with one another. An honest conversation about this will minimize the chances of him starring in a melodrama.
M: While our emotions might sometimes overwhelm us, it is good to discern well before deciding on something. We have to take into consideration how our decisions affect us and those who matter to us.
DJ: A woman who has kids has obviously been through some type of highs and lows with a man. Although she may be strong for her children, it’s likely that she’s really been through a lot. But the positive side is for her to be able to effectively handle sleepless nights with babies and busy schedules, she’ll most likely be a natural at nurturing and loving him. And this, along with the love he’ll eventually experience from her children, will yield more love out of the deal than he originally bargained to get.
May 12, 2018
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