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Monday, December 17, 2018

The moves

M: JC just graduated from college. He always had feelings for one of his professors. JC wrote that his professor is a single lady in her early 30s, bright, beautiful and unattached. Does age matter? And is this the right time to make a move? Should he even make a move? Well, personally I think he will have a better chance if he finds a job first so he has more confidence when he decides to reveal his feelings to his former professor. It’s not all about attraction, love or romance. If a woman always has to spend for the guy when they’re on a date, either she will later resent it or think she’s being used.

DJ: Will the age difference matter? Maturity level matters more than age. It is relative at the end of the day. Will dating her potentially raise some eyebrows? Probably. But is JC already secure enough to follow his heart? It’s better that he presents his true self, not just his best foot forward. Focus more on knowing her better instead of just trying to impress her. If he’s the right person for her, he’s exactly what she’s looking for.

M: His feelings for his professor might stem out of admiration when he looks up to her, puts her on a pedestal and sees everything good about her. Having reached her 30s, I expect the professor also has standards, expectations aside from her essentials and preferences, especially in a man. Women who can provide for themselves also want their men to be able to provide for her and their family. Even if JC will think it’s too early to think about marriage, he has to consider that at her 30s, his professor would probably not just think of having a constant date but eventually ask where the relationship is headed.

DJ: I guess that’s already taking the situation too fast and too far at this point. I do agree, though, that he’s got to be clear about why he likes her. Do their hopes, dreams, likes and dislikes connect? Over time, he’ll find out how well they are at supporting each other’s personal goals, in resolving differences and their readiness in terms of commitment and trust. I suggest that he keep the conversation and the environment neutral for now. He can ask thought-provoking questions and let her do the talking. This is more about substantiating his impression and knowing whether the fit is enough to move the whole thing forward.

M: There is a quote that says “love has reasons of its own that reason itself does not know.” So age, economic status, looks, weight or even lack of a job will not stop those who love one another from choosing each other for better or worse, richer or poorer. But for you JC, after graduation, there’s a whole new world for you to discover and experience so you can better yourself to reach your goals and aspiration. Remember, also, that your family, especially your parents who spent for your education, might also want that you start earning, not necessarily to repay them, but for you to start securing your own and your future family’s future. Love is good, love is great but let’s face it, you still need money to pay for the things you need. And don’t forget for the flowers, chocolates or stuffed bears you might want to give your professor.

DJ: Love does not see age. It happens when it happens. And there is no need to rush. JC will just have to take the needed steps, keep his mind open and let life and love move in their mysterious ways.


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