M: Melissa is in her mid-20s. Same age as her two girl friends. They’re all in a relationship. What bothers Melissa is that both her friends claim that they’re virgins. Melissa was already doing the deed with her fiancé the first year into the relationship. Are her friends truly honest about their claim? My take? This shouldn’t even be an issue. Whether or not her girl friends are truly honest with her about their virginity is something that should not bother her. Unless her girl friends have made her loss of virginity an issue. If her friends are still virgins, good for them. If not, would it make Melissa feel better about herself for having done the deed already? One’s private, personal relationship is one’s own.
DJ: The concept of virginity has become so complex these days. A virgin isn’t necessarily someone who’s never had sex. There are already many creative forms of physical intimacy that stuff still managed to get inserted somewhere without breaking anything. Things have become really complicated that I will have to leave it to a person and his or her Creator to resolve. It’s not mine to evaluate or judge. And as far as her friends’ hymens are concerned, I think it’s also none of Melissa’s business.
M: I think what bothers Melissa is that she feels that her friends are not as honest as her in terms of their respective relationships with their significant others. If she wants to share what she and her fiancé have been doing, I suggest that if it involves intimate or sexual relations, it’s not good to talk about it to others, even one’s best friends. If Melissa wants to know what her friends and their boyfriends are doing, frankly, it’s none of her business. Just focus on your relationship with your fiancé, Melissa.
DJ: Whatever her friends are doing or not doing, whatever she’s doing or is not doing, it doesn’t change the fact that she is valuable, virgin or not. Melissa’s worth as a person is not defined by who she sleeps with. She is not a toothbrush with significance attached to whether she’s used or not or Chicharon who can’t be accepted by others because her seal is broken. She is a human being and she deserves to be valued as such.
M: Why does it bother Melissa that her friends are still virgins? Might it also be because she has some misgivings or regrets in doing the deed early on in her relationship with her fiancé? What’s done is done. We cannot undo the past but we can do something about the future. We can also make a choice in the here and now whether we are to go a certain direction or not. I’d rather that Melissa look into herself on why it bothers her that her friends claim to still be virgins and why she doubs their honesty. Maybe this is not an issue about virginity. Maybe it has something to do with their friendship. Whatever it is, it’s best to remember that since they are all of age, they should all know of the consequences of their actions. As the saying goes, “If you can’t be good, be careful!”
DJ: I suggest for Melissa to put her friends’ tissue to rest and not to worry too much about what other people do. The decision to have sex, ultimately, is a personal choice. And its importance remains the same—whether it’s the first, the second, the third or whatever that number is. Call it readiness level, call it marriage but sex is still about being the right person with the right person for the right reason at the right time. With or without the hymen.