THE rain just stopped, it is the perfect time to make sand balls. I was playing with the sand outside when I was called by my aunt’s brother-in-law. He told me he has colored sand inside the kamalig. My seven-year-old self excitedly rushed inside.
It was dark, I could not see anything especially not colored sand. He told me before I could get what I want but he will first get what he wants. He called it a game. He told me that part of the game was to kiss me in the lips. I tried to run away but my seven-year-old self could not do anything to escape from the hands of a teenager caressing me.
I had the chance to escape when he unbuttoned his pants. I rushed home and went directly to the bathroom to wash up but no water nor soap could ever cleanse nor erase the stain on my childhood. No one in my family knew what had happened. I was afraid that he might hurt any of them. I just kept to myself all the nightmares. I was only seven and was not brave.
I didn’t show any motive. I was wearing a pajama and a long blouse. I was only playing. I was just enjoying my childhood. I was only seven and my first kiss was stolen from me.
I do not understand the idea of victim blaming and victim shaming. I do not understand why people tend to blame a woman’s clothing when she gets raped. I do not understand why rapists are being defended and rape victims are being criticized.
“Landi kasi manamit!”
“Ba’t kasi nakikisama sa mga lalaki!”
“Sus, pa-victim, siya nga siguro tung nanguna!”
I was molested and was almost raped when I was seven years old with decent clothes on and an innocent mind, am I still to be blamed?
Twelve years had passed. I am now 19 but still the nightmares kept on haunting me. I am still crying myself to sleep once I remember what had happened. I still have trust issues. I still hates my seven-year-old self for being a helpless child.
I once hated the rain. I blamed the rain because if not for it, I wouldn’t be playing outside. Now I’ve realized the rain has nothing to do with it. Even if we get the rain out of the picture, a child will always be a child who loves to play. Even if I get myself out of the picture, other child would encounter the misfortune. But if we get the rapist out of the picture, no rape would happen. A rapist would rape if he wanted to regardless of the weather, person, clothing, or even age.
Writing this is hard for me. Writing this brought tears to my eyes. Writing this reminds me of a doomed memory. Writing this reminds me of how my childhood was taken away from me. But I know, I needed to write this and preach that it is never justifiable to blame a rape victim. Judging them just adds up to their pain.
I never had the chance to seek justice so I am telling you this instead, let us not take away the justice from others. Instead, help them regain their strength by accepting them in this society. Educate people to stop destroying dreams and future of another person.
A child can get raped any minute. There are even reports of infants, senior citizens, or mentally-incapacitated persons being raped. The problem are the rapists. There will be no rape victims, there will be no traumatized women, and there will be no ruined futures if there are no rapists. (Magdalene)