I HONESTLY found it cute. My granddaughter said that a classmate of hers has a crush on her. But exposure on counselling kept the excitement in check and asked the question “how does it make you feel?” “I don’t like it” was her terse reply. The cuteness vanished. I mean, who would not be happy to hear that your granddaughter is liked. Many spend precious time and money just to be liked and accepted. But the reply sent fear and concern.
And many months passed and learned that our grandchild is the subject of bullying by her classmate though various acts such as getting her stuff and throwing them on the floor, telling her that he hates her and choking. In the presence of her mom, as they were walking out of the school, he bumped my granddaughter’s shoulder with his. Such arrogance.
Bullying is an unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. And it exists in many forms: physical, social and verbal.
Just look at the the statistics of depression, suicide, addiction, gang wars, rape and teen pregnancy in our city. Not to mention the silver medal on the rise of HIV-AIDS. What are we doing to our children? How long can our high walls, gated and secured enclaves and SUVs protect our own children, where these brutalizers exist right in our very own social clubs and charismatic communities?
Let’s call this bully “Baby”. Baby is male and for our society where the man is considered the stronger sex, Baby definitely has the upper hand. Baby is also taller and has a bigger build. My grandchild didn’t ask to be liked, the words of Baby saying that he has a crush on her came from his own mouth. And for my granddaughter whom I will call Tiger for the purpose of this article did not feel good about it. That she did not like him was not a typical reply to attention. Children at a tender age of six are already equipped with discernment, if properly raised. Tiger felt aggression from Baby instead of attraction.
We have all fallen prey and may have even been part of bullying whenever we make comments of another person’s physical traits. How many of us have described or called another as fat, dark-skinned or gay. Those words and so many others spring forth from our mouths so casually, without realizing that it can be debilitating to a person’s feelings.
Most, if not all have a need to belong, and name-calling excludes others, leading to isolation, depression and even suicide. Gossip is one such abuse, and oh so cowardly. These self-proclaimed experts of other people’s lives have wrecked relationships and killed reputations more than any world war. Yet we remain amused, laugh over them and trivialized.
I cannot begin to describe my feelings when I learned of the physical abuse towards Tiger by Baby. I soon posted on Facebook and generated reactions mostly of anger, sympathy and even comments of taking revenge. It led me to the school’s principal the next day and was told that the matter would be investigated. The day ended with the principal’s realization that the bullying of Tiger was not an isolated case. All the teachers know about Baby and his bullying acts.
The solution was for Tiger to be moved to a seat away from Baby. But that was not acceptable. Why would the victim be the one to be transferred? Fairness demanded that, it is Baby who should be moved as a consequence. But the reason proffered was to allow Baby to be under the watchful eye of the teachers. Sounds reasonable. But then how would the seat change affect the school performance of Tiger who is the top 5 of her class? It will not be an easy task.
But the act of Baby hitting Tiger’s shoulder with his in the presence of her mother is to me a sign that Baby needs more than just a warning. He needs professional help. Baby is a kid crying out in pain and is acting out his frustration by hurting other people. And it is time we all face the issue of bullying in all levels of society and social situations. This social disease must be addressed with professional care. Otherwise, we will increase the cases of bullying and other forms of abuse beyond our homes, schools and communities.
Way back in high school, we had one such bully. We were in a Catholic university and corporal punishment ruled the day for these so-called troublemakers. He had a special space, a corner of the room, away from us all, but in front, in full view, as if to shame his to death. And it did. He never finished high school. He took his own life. So let us lift the stigma and shame and call it a spade and the kettle black. Otherwise, one is a bully or an accomplice or both.