Lim: Decency

AMIDST the onslaught of the #MeToo movement, some men paint themselves victims. They say they no longer know how to act around women. Really? This claim is ludicrous because it is premised on false assumptions.

First, it is premised on the assumption that women are morons—that women have no intellectual or emotional capacity to differentiate harmless from threatening behavior, that women’s sense of humor has been obliterated by their hypersensitivity to sexual misconduct.

Second, it assumes that women are temptresses, opportunists and liars—that women will seduce, entrap and falsely accuse men of sexual misconduct to gain unfair advantage over them.

Third, this claim assumes that men are beasts incapable of controlling their carnal instincts—that given the opportunity, they will act on their sexual impulses because they are incapable of moderating their behavior.

Fourth, this claim is also based on the assumption that men have no capacity to act as mature human beings so that men cannot discern whether or not their actions are wanted and/or warranted. In addition, men have no capacity to comprehend consent— when it is given, not given, or not capable of being given.

The world painted by men terrified of the #MeToo movement is that of a world populated by dangerous inhabitants—a world inhabited by men and women who are equally evil, infantile and dim-witted.

The reality is that while there are women who falsely accuse men—their numbers are small just as the numbers are for men who act like bestial creatures incapable of exercising control over their impulses.

The great majority of men and women are capable of controlling their instincts and calibrating their actions. So few of us are actually born with criminal minds—the majority of us are born with minds shaped by education and experience. Abuse is learned behavior. We are products of environment and culture.

I find it ludicrous for any man to claim not to know how to behave around a woman anymore. Why is it now suddenly so hard to know right from wrong? Perhaps, the culture of “anything goes” has gone on for too long.

I mean, what are you saying? That you can’t tell when your actions are unwanted or unwarranted? That you can’t tell when a woman is scared, uncomfortable or saying no? It’s not a joke when she’s not laughing. It’s not welcome if she’s not responding. And if she’s unconscious, she’s not capable of consenting.

Just act like a decent, human being. When norms change, your values don’t have to change. You can raise the bar but you never lower it. Decency doesn’t date. Ever.

When men say they no longer know how to act around women, I think what they mean is—they don’t know how to NOT act like jerks anymore.

But if you were never a jerk in the first place, you would never have this problem.

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