Sula: Bald ab initio


THE irrepressible Perry Pangan the other day wryly observed that he has been seeing more bald men, especially those of his age and older. It could be either age or genetics, he theorized, which is supported by scientific studies. At least 20 percent of males, according to one study, will go that way.

For those who have no viable option other than grin and bear it, a cost-less suggestion is to have a good sense of humor. Perry, who has yet to be seen with a sour face, will probably live to be a 100. Which qualifies him to be a potential recipient of Capitol's financial gratuity of P100,000, although I doubt if he needs it. Anyway, he can always waive it to his less fortunate colleagues in media.

Perry's observation comes at a time when more Filipino men are being battered by their wives, according to a survey, maybe not physically but psychologically. If this is true, it should partly explain Perry's empirical information. Whether your wife hits you in the head literally or figuratively, the net effect could still be the same.

Everyone, I believe, comes into this world bald ab initio. Even Solicitor General Jose Calida, who has retouched the definition of void ab initio, is probably not exempted. If he is, he can be declared a true sovereign because he can decide who is an exception and who is not.

The brother of former PNP General Dindo Espina once quipped an existential joke that God created a few heads, the rest he covered with hair. It may not be theologically or biblically sound, but it could make one sound smart, especially if it is self-serving. Anyway, the Bible says God knows the number of your hair strands. With more men going bald these days, it should be less of a task.

The sad part of this story is that, 70 percent of women, according to a study, will not go with a bald date. To wives whose mates qualify, this is eternally reassuring. The opposite may be the opposite. We still have to go by evidence though, although the predominant plea is "not guilty". That is why Gary Granada lamented in his song that Gabby Concepcion keeps getting married and he's not. Tough luck.

But there are bald men, I know, who carry themselves well. Some are also unbelievably rich, crazy rich. (Is there a correlation? Consider Jeff Bezos of Amazon. There is bald eagle, but is there a bald beggar?) I doubt if they're bad at the dating game. There is Coach Yeng Guiao, who is reportedly eyeing a comeback as congressman of the first district in Pampanga. Then there is Chris Garbo who is out to prove he's the best mayor Mabalacat has had? There is Gen. Bato, also mulling running for the Senate. Who can forget the legendary Yul Brynner?

There is one issue of a bald ab initio case, which appears to be the voiding of Sen. Sonny Trillanes' amnesty. More and more official pronouncements are coming to the surface declaring that Trillanes went through the process. I hope concerned judges will reflect on the glaring baldness of the move to run the guy out of office when he has only a few months left to his political limelight.

Another baldness-related issue is about the environment. The recent landslides triggered by typhoon Ompong were apparently the consequence of mountains going bald because of mining and quarrying. The DENR should really evaluate the next possible ground zero. It needs more time than 15 days to put people out of harm's way.

Most mountains, which a poet once said are older than the rivers, were not bald ab initio. It is people, bald or not, which have made them so, and we are the poorer for it. This administration will do better focusing its effort on the issue of bald mountains rather than wasting time, taxpayers’ money and wit on void ab initios.

To those who are fairly thatched, have a good hairday!


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