PAMPANGA

Sula: Sal, the actor

YOU have to give it to the newly-minted spokesperson, Sal. He's so natural an actor he's already an accomplished man.

You would guess that his dream when he was younger was to become one, instead of becoming a lawyer in which he makes legal sense.

He would have won multiple awards for portraying exceptionally the role of a mafiosi or something close. No need for prosthetics or heavy make-up, no thanks.

Mother Lily's loss is Digong's gain.

He's so good you cannot catch him with his pants down. He attends a press briefing prepared like an old-teacher.

He has an answer to every question just as he as a question to every answer. He's, most of the time to the point, except when he is not.

Is the President ill? The medical results are negative.

Is the rumored illness serious? Only the doctors can say that.

What about the reports of humans rights abuses? He loves the Philippines so much he'd do everything to save them, even if it means killing them.

Is Harry a girl or a boy? Time will tell.

When confronted with question, especially by media, especially on cam, he easily morphs into a likeable villain, his face partitioned into a half-snide, half -smile contortion that has become iconic. With his spectacles on and the Liberace-like outfit, he has the comedic aura that is both entertaining and deceiving.

It is tempting to think that Sal was present in the Garden when the Serpent inveigled Adam and Eve to bite off the forbidden truth. Some suggested that the forbidden fruit was actually the coconut. Had Leonardo Da Vinci seen him before he painted the Last Supper, Sal would have made a perfect model for the betrayer.

His boss likes him a lot, I would say. They are perfect for each. Their recent stage-managed tete-a-tete on TV proved that they love to exchange crap together. Harry's departure isn't at all surprising and explains why Sal is the replacement.

Sal is not only readable. He's teachable. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Baloney. Tricks are as old as the dogs, if not older.

Instead of reviving the Office of the Secretary, I propose a new department that has Sal's brand on it. Presidential Actor for National Obfuscation and Legal Ornery. PANOLO in short. It will fit the guy to a T.

Someday, when fate is done with Digong and Co., only Sal will remain as he has always been his thespian self. As Forrest Gump said, life is like a box of chocolate. Sal will have plenty left in his drawer.


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