Estremera: What we do not say

MANY a time, it's what we are not saying that is picked up and believed.

Why that happens? It's because as we say something, we do something else.

Most common is saying, “Of course, I'm listening.”

But everyone knows you are not, simply because you refuse to even acknowledge what is being said. It's one thing to say you are listening and another thing when you stick to your version of what has happened.

Deaf ears. We are familiar with that. We even know the expression that goes with that description: a stubborn set to the chin, sometimes accompanied by a piercing look intended to shut the others up, or refusing to meet the other person's eye, conveying that the other perdon no longer exists.

We carry this around in our families and even in our workplace. Having successfully shut up the conversation by either literally shutting up the other person or brushing the person off, communication ends.

The sad part here is what happens next. The aggressor's tendency to sweep the incident away. What happens?

The source of misunderstanding is not addressed.

Do this several times or as a habit, then several issues are swept under the rug, ignored, left to fester. In the meantime, the situation worsens, communication breaks down, relationships end.

Throw in the refusal to even acknowledge one's fault, then you can just kiss your relationships goodbye: be it personal or professional.

That is because a lot of other things happen during, after, around, and beyond any interaction.

Last Thursday, I posted on Facebook an idea that just dawned on me as I pondered over situations and how to tweak them to bring better results.

“Resentment begets resentment. Trust begets trust. Openness begets openness. Of the three, openness and trust generate cooperation, commitment, and loyalty. Nothing positive ever comes out of resentment,” I wrote.

Among the most difficult emotions to turn to positive is resentment. That is because resentment cannot be self-generated like sadness and happiness, not unless you are of higher consciousness and are no longer affected by whatever is done to you or around you by someone else.

Resentment is a negative reaction to an action, it builds up in normal people. It can worsen to become a grudge, even hatred.

But resentment can be prevented, by transparency, trust, and respect. But like being enlightened, building trust and respect also takes a lot of efforts.

Not listening definitely does not build trust nor respect, and this applies to all kinds of relationships -- personal or professional. Think about that.

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