FEW days ago, I covered an event of a new group in the city called Creo Early Learning Partners Inc. They launched their first initiative called Family Forward 2018: Parenting and Partnership. Because I learned a lot in this seminar, I would wish to share to our readers the interesting insights I acquired in a series of articles in my column.
One of the speakers of the said event was Ms. Tina Soliman-Zamora. She is a family and child development psychologist. She studies children based on the context of their families. After being exposed to various concerns in parenting, one of her main points struck me. She asserted that to be effective parents, one should be physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy.
I agree when she said that a physically healthy parent is important since raring a child requires physical presence more so for young children who need to be taken cared when they run or play. Thus, when the parent is sick or unhealthy, his or her participation becomes limited.
But the emotional and spiritual health of parents are the more crucial factors for a child’s wellness. With all the uncertain and questionable stimulations and influences of young people nowadays, raising a child becomes even more complex than ever. But compounded with the parents’ personal issues, all these can turn into disaster.
Working in an educational institution, I can resonate with Ms. Tina when she said that “almost 100% of the behavioral problems in school are caused by the behavioral issues at home.” One of the reasons pointed out is the inability of parents to resolve their own baggage in their childhood or with their own families. Somehow, because they feel that they are okay, sometimes they do not realize that the way they practice their parenting reflects the issues that they failed to resolve back then. As such, being busy in providing for their family, there are issues that are not healed and at times became more dominant and detrimental to their kids.
As such, the heaviness of this baggage is passed on to their children. This I think is a growing issue especially on the rising and growing concerns on mental health related issues. If adults are unable to resolve their own issues, what more for children who may not have enough competencies to cope with the many challenges of growing up.
Likewise, as Ms. Tina pointed out, “If you do not have a spiritual core, it is going to be hard for the family to find stability.” She added that in her experience, there were several parents who have raised their children not prescribing any religion to them. They would prefer that their children get to choose their religious affiliation when they become mature enough. According to her, while theoretically this idea may be sound, in actuality and base on her experience it brings several problems to the child especially in helping build the identity of the child.
A child cannot rare himself or herself. Thus a solid formation from parents requires walking the talk and starting from within. The principle that teachers live by applies to that of parenting. You cannot give what you do not have. Then we realize that there is more to parenting than meets the eye.
So the question that I would like to give our parents is -how healthy are you physically, emotionally and spiritually?