M: Trisha is the third of five children. She feels that she has to always compete and prove that she’s worthy of love. Is this normal for a middle child? I would not know if that is normal but the basis for the term “middle child syndrome” is most probably the general feeling of a middle child trying to get the parents’ attention which at first, is concentrated on the first child, and then usually shifts on the youngest one.
DJ: I learned that there’s actually a “Middle Child Day” but we have never heard about it because it’s always ignored. But seriously, the middle child “syndrome”—for the lack of a better word—has less to do with birth order and more to do with the circumstance that comes with that order. It does not automatically happen to middle children. It has to do with the circumstance surrounding how they were raised as middle children.
M: I understand that the middle child wants to be the center of attention, not because being in the middle between the older and younger siblings means he or she is literally in the center, but because he or she feels that there is no focus on him or her. There is nothing wrong with being competitive. I think it is almost expected that the one who wants to be the focus of attention will try to exceed the performance of others or exceed expectations. It will be better though, if Trisha will talk to her parents about what she feels so they would understand her and can better deal with her issues or concerns.
DJ: I hope Trisha also recognizes the good traits that come with being a middle child—empathy, flexibility and remarkable negotiation skills. They come in handy in school or at work particularly when she has to collaborate with other people in a team. She’s reliable as a generational glue. Just like everyone else, she has her strengths and weaknesses. Parental attention matters but it should not necessarily define how well we turn out. Trisha will be happiest if she carves out her own path, given who she is and what she has.
M: It’s good Trisha recognizes and gives a thought to her angst. Parents love all their children but some parents have different ways of expressing themselves, and children also have different ways of interpreting their parents actions or lack of action. That is why constant communication is key. Open communication is a must.
DJ: Her being a middle child might have determined where she started but not necessarily where she’s headed. I’m glad she’s speaking up. This is already a good move to stop it from holding her back. She is a lot more than her being a middle child, enough to make her the heroine of her own life story.