M: Walter is a second year business student; the youngest of three siblings. Two days ago, he came across what looked like his adoption papers. He’s got a happy childhood but such discovery bothers him. Should he bring this up with his parents? Yes. How? By talking to his parents about what he saw and asking them whether it is true or not.
DJ: Adoption is defined as building a family through the process of an enduring love rather than biology. Still, an enormous bombshell such as that can bring out a range of emotions—betrayal, hurt, grief. Ninety-seven percent of adopted children these days are already told about their adoption from the very beginning. Studies show that openness leads to better happiness in adoptees. Thus, it would have been better for Walter to have known about it at an early age, preferably around the same time it was explained to him that Santa is not real. But that’s already water under the bridge. His parents most likely have their reasons why they held the truth back from him.
M: They say the truth hurts. And knowing the truth can sometimes be the cause why we get hurt or hurt others. But while the truth hurts, the truth can always set us free. Living a lie is a burden, so being freed from it, whether by being hurt in knowing the truth or finding out that everything is a lie, is a blessing.
DJ: I suggest that he allows himself time to process his situation and feeling. He can also consider talking to a trusted friend or to someone whose wisdom he trusts. These questions do not have immediate answers, nor will there be any best answer. If he needs help so he can come to terms with this, I suggest that he brings this up with his adoptive parents too. Whatever their reasons are for hiding the truth from him, he’s still their child. They chose him to be part of the family. They want and love him, and is very special to them.
M: I know how difficult it is to feel that you do not belong, that your family is not really your own or there is a disconnect. Take heart and remember that while these things happened, they are there for a reason.
DJ: It is okay for Walter to take his time to discover and decide what is best for him. His feelings are real and valid, and he is definitely not alone. I certainly love for Walter to still live happily ever after, fully aware of this reality—he is who he is because he was raised well by his folks. And that won’t change even now that he knows they’re not his biological parents. He may not be flesh of their flesh or bone of their bone but certainly, he grew up to be the wonderful person that he is today because they love him. And that’s the essence of parenthood. It’s not just in his DNA. It is in the heart.