Monday, May 20, 2019

Seares: ‘Dad, does the President not know his jokes also reach us?’

News Sense

“Children are incapable of understanding whether it’s a joke or not... So there’s no harm... Children don’t watch speeches of the President.”

--Presidential Spokesman Salvador Panelo, Dec. 4, 2018

COMING home from school, a Grade 7 student of a Catholic school went to her father, “Dad, may we talk?” The father had just arrived from his office. Tired but was happy his daughter wanted to talk with him. “Of course, Princess, what is it?”

“Dad, last week our teacher discussed the dangers of illegal drugs like marijuana and shabu. She told us what drugs could do to people’s health and morals. Last Monday, you, Mom and I heard on TV the President say he takes marijuana. So he won’t fall asleep during work. He said marijuana keeps him awake."

“The President says it was a joke." His spokesman, Salvador Panelo, also says it was a joke.

“It was a joke? He said he takes marijuana because he becomes sleepy at meetings. Not funny, ha ha. I would’ve laughed. Mom didn’t laugh, when she laughs even over your jokes. And you didn’t, not a chuckle.”

‘Entitled to joke’

“Princess, Atty. Panelo says the President is like anyone. He is ‘entitled to a joke,’ Panelo says. Even if it’s not funny. Besides, Panelo says, children don’t listen to president’s speeches. If you do, you can’t understand the joke, Panelo says."

“I don’t listen to the President’s speeches. Only parts. Those that get into the news as voice clip.”

“I can’t understand the marijuana joke? Because I don’t see where it’s funny. Or that ‘joke’ sometime ago where he ordered soldiers to shoot the women NPAs in their you know what. Maybe if he acts it out. Like Mr. Bean dozing off in church. The President can be like he is sleepy at a meeting, takes marijuana and suddenly becomes high. He can be funny that way.”


“Princess, Panelo says marijuana can make one sleepy. So it is illogical to say he takes marijuana if his purpose is not to fall asleep. If there’s no logic, you make people laugh, Panelo says.”

“So the President makes people laugh by saying idiotic things?”

“Yes. But no, he is not an idiot.”

“I didn’t say he is, Dad.”

‘Good example’

“The President is a good leader, Princess. He fights against illegal drugs. And Panelo says that as a leader, the President sets a good example.”

“He curses at the pope and U.N. officials, shames bishops and priests, calls God stupid, and takes marijuana. U.G.E.”

“What is U.G.E.?”

“Utterly Good Examples.”

“Cut out the sarcasm, young lady. Discuss. No snide remark. Stick to the marijuana joke. His spokesman and the President himself insist it was a joke.”

E.C. joke

“Sorry, Dad. But he encourages the police to kill drug suspects. More than 22,000 deaths, the U.N. says. An E.C. joke.”

“E C.?”

“Epically Cruel.”

“Where do you learn all these initials?... Police kill in self-defense. They’re defending society against the evil of drugs. ... Er, can we do this some other time, Princess? I have a friend who has a friend in the Presidential Communications Office. I’ll ask for help on your questions.”

Not voting

“Me and my kids, we’re not voting for him.”

“1. You cannot vote yet. 2. Even if you can, he he cannot and will not seek reelection. 3. And you don’t have children yet.”

“Meantime, Dad, will someone tell the President his jokes also reach us kids and we talk about it in school? And can he make them funny next time?”

“I love you, Princess.”

“Me too, Dad. Ha ha. That is funny.”


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