I HAVE had so many in the past. I have tried so many. Collect and select. That was my motto. As they say, "Gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince." And now I think I have found the right one for me. Qualities I look for, you might ask. Let me see...not too tall, not too heavy, and very dependable.

I am usually very loyal. I stick to one. When I am happy, there is no reason for me to look around. I am easily content and satisfied. But when he was introduced to me, I told myself, "why not?" Let me try him out. And from the moment I spent time with him, I did not want to let go. I love him. He is perfect for me.

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About my old one, sad to say, it was hard for me to let go of him. He was alright. We had good times together. But my new one is better. He gave me more confidence, and he made me a better person.

My old one was kind of stiff and too firm. Too much for me, I think. Too hard to handle. My new one is more flexible and sensitive. I am fragile, I am weak, and that is why I prefer the new one.

He is very sexy. He has got a great body, smooth to the touch, got perfect height, and got perfect weight. And, he has got (ahem) a big head down there. I mean, really big! And it seems like it is always looking for action.

He is very popular with the ladies. Even the men want to try him out. Well, they can't have him. He's mine, only mine.

Like my old one, he likes to be touched gently and not squeezed tight. Yep, that is how he prefers to be held. I only use gentle strokes and I try to feel him intensely. It feels nice and comfortable when I put my arms around him. When we play around, the rubber he uses does not break, even when over-used. It is soft to the touch, and even when I grip it too hard, I am confident that it will remain in good condition.

I think this one is for keeps. I see myself growing old with him. I will love him. I will take care of him. I will protect him. I will make sure his beautiful face will not get scratched.

My love, I have longed for you all my life. Been looking for a partner with great qualities such as yours. I am happy that I have found you. I have so much passion for you. You mean the world to me now. You are constantly on my mind. Times when I am alone, I think of ways that you can please me.

I have said this before, and I will say it again. I know it was unfair that I chose you over the other. But I could not resist you. You give me more pleasure and satisfaction. You give me a natural "high" that no other drug can give me. You give me more joy and happiness. And that is why, I will hold on to you, for as long as I can, and for as long as you don't break. Do not limp. Stand erect!

Thank you for being there for me. You are my new true love, my precious Taylor Made Burner driver (for ladies). I will be playing with you again in a couple of days. Show me once again what damage you can do. Give me your best. Make your presence known on the fairways. Let's make some money.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.