EVER since my husband’s accident, there is a new aspect of my life that I do not really like.
Although he is still on top of our small ventures, I have been delegated to pitch in with the daily operations, which include a lot of math, computation, and forecasting. I have always loved words but hated numbers. I still feel the same way.
When I stare at numbers, it’s as if their order becomes jumbled, akin to dyslexia with letters. This makes me feel frazzled, insecure, and confused.
Although I took up a lot of statistics in college being a communication research major, I was happy to say goodbye to MS Excel and SPSS (statistical package for social sciences). I am uncomfortable with numbers because they show me what does not come naturally to me and what I am not good at. I found my love in words, teaching, and dealing with people.
And yet, here I am stuck looking at spread sheets and receiving numerical reports on a daily basis that needs a lot of effort on my part to digest and understand. But chores like these fill my days, and though I do not want it, I have to do it because no one else will (as of the moment).
Sometimes, I converse with God and tell Him that He sure has a funny sense of humor. Why put me in this precarious situation?
And it seemed fortuitous that my middle son tells me after the long Christmas break that he hates the thought of going back to school. He repeated it many times with a look of disdain and trepidation. I suddenly saw myself in him. Funny how when I do not have an answer to the dilemmas I face, God is showing me His way through other people.
Of course, I had to launch into full mommy mode to my son, then highlight the importance and advantages of a good education. I had to emphasize that it is necessary for us to do the things we do not like so we can grow. (Ouch! Even this hit me hard because I have felt resentful of my new scenario.) I told him God places us in these situations so we can test our limits, and maybe even surpass them.
And truly, the only way we can enrich ourselves is if we get out of our comfort zones. I have always known that, but for this aspect of my life it took me awhile to see it. Life is all about experiencing and getting to know the world.
Everything that happens in our life will be helpful for us to get to the life we are meant to live. Nothing happens by chance or coincidence. All things happen for a purpose because God is in control; always bringing us where we are meant to be.
And I do thank God for the opportunity to help propel our small ventures forward and, perhaps, this is His way of making me face my fears so I can overcome them. Maybe this is also His way of showing me that I think things are difficult because I let myself believe they are. I still feel like a fish out of water when I stare at all the reports, but I am surviving.