Friday, July 19, 2019

Velez: Let’s quiz our police


IN LIGHT of the controversial actions made by the Philippine National Police, such as snooping on public school teachers who are members of ACT (Alliance of Concerned Teachers) and branding the NUJP (National Union of Journalists of the Philippines) as communists, we wonder what logic and investigative skills they have learned.

I guess it’s time to send them back to school with these questions.

Riddle: What is black and white and red all over?

Police: That’s a journalist who joins the NUJP.

Quiz: How many police officers does it take to spy on 180,000 members of ACT?

Police: That is not a problem as we will have unlimited intelligence fund to track them all.

Quiz: Kaylo is a lumad student who travels an average of five kilometers per hour. If he walks one hour to get to the Lumad school, what is the distance between his home and the school?

Police: Teacher, we are more interested to know if the school has a permit and what national anthem they are teaching the students.

Follow up question: Who wrote the national anthem?

Police: Manny Pacquiao?

Quiz: Who is our national hero?

Police: Robin Padilla?

Quiz: This seems like a witch hunt you’re launching. How can you spot a communist anyway?

Police: Three answers. They join rallies. They like to say “ibagsak!” Joma includes them in his Facebook posts.

We also have a checklist for that. Ay, wait, I shouldn’t have told you. Buking tayo!

Quiz: If Imelda Marcos is convicted of seven counts of graft, and each count is six years of prison, how many years does she stay in jail?

Police: She’s old. She has no history of violence. We’ll give her consideration.

Quiz: How many three to six months have passed in the war on drugs?

Police: What matters is 4,000 dead and over 140,000 arrested.

Quiz: What is tokhang in English?

Police: Can I phone a friend for that?

Quiz: What is the difference between a politician and a robber?

Police: Robbers go to jail. Politicians post bail.

Quiz: How come your grammar is bad when you write police blotters?

Police: Ma’am, a blotter is not an essay. Naman.

Bonus: What is your motto?

Police: Obey first, alibi later.


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