Monday, June 17, 2019

Tough choice

M: Amanda is a middle-class single mom of six. One of her children was involved in an accident that rendered him paralyzed for five years now. He’s already eight. With Amanda’s financial status, she has to work double time for her and her kids to survive, and for them to have a decent education. Their circumstances make it very challenging for her to still take care of her paralyzed son. A foundation offered to care for him as a stay-in patient. But she feels guilty of sending her son away to be cared for by an organization. She feels like she’s not a good mother if she would do that. What should she do? First, she should not feel that she is not a good mother. If we are to measure ourselves with standards set for us by the world or even standards we set for ourselves, we will never measure up. Amanda, pat yourself on the back. Being a single mom and taking care of six children is not an easy feat, more so that you have to take care of a disabled child. Don’t feel guilty for accepting help. Be grateful for the silver lining behind the clouds of despair. You have to also take care of yourself so that you can take care of all your children.

DJ: The decision to make is not easy. The choice to become a mother comes with the expectation of raising a child. But I assume Amanda already considered other in-between options. And I’m sure she had already done her due diligence researching how the foundation can effectively deliver the care her son needs. Thus, accepting its offer to help looks like a loving and positive choice to make. That’s just my opinion. But such arrangement will provide her son even better physical care, not to mention increased safety.

M: Check with the foundation what are its guidelines so you have a better idea of how things will go if ever your child will be entrusted in its care. Ask questions, get referrals or reviews of how the foundation is being run. Who are the people behind it? What are the visitation schedules? Are their financial obligations or contributions? As I said, be grateful for the opportunity but also do your due diligence in knowing more about them.

DJ: It appears to me that she is doing her best but things are just getting way beyond her capacity to remain effective as a single parent to all her six children. It’s also important that she process the thoughts and feelings of her other five kids. Enlisting the help of family or friends who, she thinks, are wise to support them and give them counsel is an option she can also consider. They have to understand, too. And as early as now, she can start planning for regular visits.

M: Amanda, I believe you have prayed for help and have asked for divine intervention to your worries and anxieties, especially in providing for all your children. This may be the answer to your prayers. You cannot do everything so you have to acknowledge that there are limits to what you can do. The good thing in all these is that you now have options even if you are in a crossroads.

DJ: Life is composed of infinite choices. Some are as easy as what to cook for dinner, and there are big decisions like what Amanda is about to make because it will change lives forever. It is a crossroad. But she can weigh her options, then act on the best one and revel in the chance to create a better life for her son, her five other kids, and be a better person and mother to all of them.


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