MY DAUGHTER sent me this message and she told me it is ok if I decide to share it. That really surprised me because she prefers to be quiet and private. But she said her story is a testament of the Lord’s immense power and He needs to be glorified.
She is only 16 years old and I am amazed at her resilience. Life has never been easy for her being a sickly kid diagnosed with rheumatic heart disease and sydenham’s chorea at age 8. Later on, she also had to endure biopsy surgery because of lumps on her neck, which thankfully turned out to be benign.
She has known from the get go through her struggles that life is not a bed of roses. Instead, life is peppered with challenges from situations we cannot control and even from difficult people. But through it all, she has maintained a positive attitude realizing that though she may not be able to control events and human beings surrounding her, she can always control her own reactions.
She has always strived to bloom where she is planted, no matter how difficult, allowing the Man above to lead her. This is what she sent me.
Vulnerability is a strength. Not everyone has the guts to show the world how they truly feel. This is me coming to terms with who I am in the most unexpected way:
"I hate my body. I look ugly. Why can't I look like her? I need to lose weight. I can't do this. I am a loser. I am weak. What's wrong with me?"
These are all phrases and sentences that I know all too well. Self-hate, self-doubt, self-pity, that voice in the back of your head saying who you are and what you do is not enough. Everyday I pray for patience, strength, wisdom, selflessness, and compassion.
Recently, my dad got into a motorcycle accident when a ten-wheeler truck hit him while he was on full stop at an emergency shoulder. I almost lost my dad. It was probably one of the most trying times of mine in this journey called life, not to mention the family problems that succeeded.
I remember asking, "Why are you doing this Lord?"
I had to put on my big girl pants. I spent my savings on home bills and some business expenditures because my mom and I had no access to the accounts of dad. In those moments that I swiped the debit card and spent what I have saved up since I was six, not once did the money cross my mind. I just wanted to help my family.
A month later, I have become more patient, more kind, more loving, more compassionate, more selfless, more strong.
I got what I prayed for. God works in the strangest ways. He ruins our plans before our plans ruin us. We just have to trust in His process even if it seems the whole world is against us. I used to ask: "why did you do this?" Now I say, thank you for everything you've taught me, Lord.
The whole experience with my dad's ordeal has kept me more grounded than ever. Now, I look in the mirror and actually smile at what I see, knowing all that I've been through. I love the too tall girl with the imperfect skin, square face, broad shoulders, chubby cheeks, and 60kg weight, because she is the woman, with the help of God, who carried me through. The girl in the mirror was there for me when I was at my lowest. The girl in the mirror is strong, patient, loving, kind, selfless, worth it, and more than enough. The girl in the mirror - is me.