THERE are several types of feeling alone and you can actually go through them in one go, I learned this week. It’s amusing how being cooped up in the hospital can grant anyone the gift of insight! I initially thought that in life, I would only need to distinguish “alone” from “lonely” but I was wrong. Seems like my alone time had so much to teach me.
It came as a result of my ongoing battle of sorts with my asthma which I had been “carrying” around for about three weeks. I thought that I had managed to outwit infirmity but it reared its ugly little head and knocked me off my healthy horse completely last Monday. Fine.
So I found myself alone in my hospital room. Much as I was uncomfortable and aching in places in me I didn’t realize can ache that much, I was actually glad to have some alone time. You know how adulting can demand so much from a person right? Multitasking and actually trying to get every single thing done is no joke! Sometimes we just need that opportunity to be able to sit (or lie down) quietly and just hear and feel everything.
As days, lab tests, medications and more time spent alone passed, it started to get lonely. Realities set in. I honestly was in deep thought about how at some point in life, we will feel this way because the significant people in our lives will have things they need to do first before keeping us company. Fact. And there’s no blaming anyone for this so we need to learn to find ways to thwart or circumvent this negativity, correct? See the bright side!
Day 4 alone and I wanted to cry over coffee and sugar. Emotional and overreacting to the fact that I couldn’t get my coffee how I want it, when I want it. Geez. I laugh about it now, kicking myself for being a melodramatic brat but I really felt forsaken! I guess being alone is a test of fortitude and strength.
One needs to have faith because you would really come to the point of doubting. You need to believe you can and that you will overcome obstacles. It helps too, to believe in Someone bigger than all your hurdles and mountains combined. Have Faith that there is Someone who has your back and who is always with you.
In the midst of doubts and fears, I was sent a human angel bearing gifts of daily bread. It’s amazing how unexpected acts of kindness greatly affect how you perceive life. It was more than enough for me to know that everything will be alright.
Happy Sunday Everyone! :)