MOVING forward is always taking the best part of the past including all the learning from mistakes, and then brace yourself for the hardest steps: making the change.
We don’t want to be labeled as someone having an entrained thinking mindset. We all want to be considered flexible and open-minded but we have to admit that when it comes to changing our comfortable, albeit no-longer-helpful, routines, we find ourselves to be our own worst enemy.
Suddenly, you feel hostility and anxiety rising up. Every day becomes stressful. Your insides are at constant war between what must be done and what you just feel like doing.
There is, of course, so much positive effect on having a routine. This discussion is reserved for another article soon. But getting stuck in a routine can do much damage when a healthier, more practical, and more helpful one has to be employed.
You may enjoy the habit of spending late nights in parties or binging on Netflix shows but your new job needs you to be up and about early. You may feel so happy after a shopping spree but you really want to be financially stable. You may be used to having your needs constantly provided for you by your parents but now you have taken the step to move to another city or country, and you have to be an independent adult.
You may be used to deciding things on your own but you now have chosen to commit yourself to marriage and family life where constant sharing and communication is the only way to deal with major decisions.
Expect it to be hard. Expect that you definitely will need to adjust. You will experience discomfort, fear, and insecurities. Oh, you will cry. You will feel overwhelmed, lonely, and hopeless sometimes. You will want to throw in the towel and go back running to your security blanket, whatever form it might take.
But you have to remember why you took the big step in the first place. In your most sane moment, you have seen what matters most and you have decided to be brave and do what must be done. This should be constantly at the forefront of your thoughts.
Your why must be so big and so noble that you feel you have no choice but to go through hell in order to get to your idea of almost-heaven. It must be so real to you that you will see how all the negative emotions attacking you and deterring you from reaching your goal, are but temporary. They, too, shall pass.
In the meantime, these insights from the forbes.com’s Forbes Coaches Council may help as you continue your journey in making that change:
1. Learn to be more open and flexible
The older I get, the wiser I become about embracing change rather than resisting it. Change is one of the natural flows of life that occurs often, even when we don't want it to. Being open and flexible to change has helped me to rewire my approach by going along or embracing change versus trying to control it. After all, change can be a good thing! Go ahead, change your lenses; you will see it, too. - Arlene Donovan, Turning Point Coaching LLC
2. Find the strength within your resistance
Some people naturally meet change with resistance, and that's OK. Some people have innate strengths to stabilize, reduce risks, and protect what is working, and others have instincts to drive change, experiment and explore options. If you are resisting change because you are risk averse, you might start by assessing risk, researching or planning. Then, enlist help to drive the change. - Andrea MacKenzie, Lead With Harmony
3. Ask yourself what it is you're resisting
Resistance is a normal reaction, so acknowledge that it's OK. Then begin to overcome it by exploring, "What am I resisting?" Be specific and honest with yourself. Often, what we resist is categorized into what we can and cannot control. Focus on what you can control (including your gradual acceptance of the change and finding others who can help) and try to let go of what you can't control. - Bonnie Davis, Destination Up
4. Realize you don't fear change, you fear loss
Change is a situational event, like losing one's job or gaining a new boss. Resistance occurs during the transition, a psychological process of acknowledging what is ending, navigating the uncertainty, then embracing what is possible in the new beginning. Strengthening support networks, anchoring one's purpose, increasing self-compassion, and actualizing strengths can all minimize resistance. - Cynthia Kivland, The Smart2Smarter Leadership Institute
5. Adopt a learning mindset
Everything changes. That's one of the few truths we can count on to stay true. Resisting change is resisting reality. Instead of working so hard to keep things the same, how can you befriend this fact of life? When a surfer gets tense riding a wave, they fall. When a leader gets tense adapting to change, they fail. Declare your vision. Adopt a learning mindset in every situation. Adapt. Enjoy. - David Butlein, Bluecase Strategic Partners
6. Look for what you can learn now to welcome change in the future
Resisting change is futile because it is going to happen whether we like it or not. We should operate with a changed mindset that says tomorrow’s jobs are on today's drawing boards. The change allows us to be innovative. Many jobs that exist now were never thought of 10 years ago. Now is the time to learn as much as we can, stay engaged in our industry, and welcome change when it comes. - Daisy Wright, The Wright Career Solution, Brampton/Toronto
7. Consider the upsides of change
Resistance stems from fear, and for many, fear is caused by change. For some, it may be fear of the unknown or repeating a negative experience. We use resistance as a way to protect ourselves, but it limits us and our experiences. Instead of looking at the limitations and risks that come with change, try looking at change as the very thing that opens the door to your next opportunity. - Gina Gomez, Gina Gomez, Business and Life Coach
8. Consult a mentor or coach
It seems nobody likes change. As creatures of habit, we run from change and often don't embrace its reality. A coach offers outside intervention to ensure your accountability and provides the reality check you need to embrace reality with productive action and behaviors. Hanging onto the past and denying change doesn't stop it. Top leaders hire mentors and coaches. So should you. - John M. O'Connor, Career Pro Inc.
9. Consider change management a career-defining soft skill
Human nature dictates that we don’t like change without our control. We want to first understand the need for change, then be an active participant. So, the best way to rewire how we see change is to realize that in today’s economy, where most companies have to change initiatives in place, the ability to manage change is a highly regarded soft skill. Embrace change by becoming a "change champion." - Mark Babbitt, YouTern
10. Choose to believe change serves you
All beliefs are choices and thoughts we have created. For example, if you think change is scary, hard or difficult, it will be. Start choosing to believe change is something that serves you. For example, you can choose to believe "change is easy," "change is fun" or "change brings me amazing opportunities." When you choose your perspective, you can easily rewire your internal system around change. - Regan Hillyer, Regan Hillyer International
11. Accept your resistance to change
It's normal human behavior to resist change. First, we need to accept and appreciate that fact. This will help us to be open to working on the thoughts and beliefs that we have about change. These limiting beliefs must be changed in order to rewire ourselves to stop meeting change with resistance. Your emotions can help you identify what thoughts you have, and then address the resistance you feel. - Laurie Sudbrink, Unlimited Coaching Solutions Inc.
12. Ask yourself what you would do if you wanted change to work
When I catch myself in these situations, I acknowledge what is creating resistance and then challenge myself to identify what I would do if I wanted this change to work. The hardest part is often identifying when I am resisting and name it as such. Once I name it, it becomes much easier for me to switch perspectives and identify what could make it work for me. - Steffan Surdek, Pyxis Cultures