Gray area


M: CATRIONA is a law student who wants to know whether or not to reveal her feelings for her best friend in law school. She said they have been classmates since freshman year and he seems to like her too. She said that they have this “mutual understanding” but he’s not making a move and it’s likely because he wants them to stay friends and concentrate on their studies. They’re now both on their fourth year. She plans to review in Manila while he wants to review in Cebu. Should she tell him about her feelings or should she wait? Yes, go for it! You will never regret the things that you did but those you never did. What better way to start one’s review for the bar exams than by being fearless and taking risks.

DJ: Usually, I favor wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeve. But in this case, I’m inclined toward caution. Because if this dude is really interested to have a relationship with her, by now he’s at least moving the relationship forward. But he’s not making any move and it’s been four years. There must be a good reason. Getting into a relationship might not be on top of his priorities at this time. Perhaps it’s his studies and the upcoming bar exam. Timing is important. Unless she’s ready to face reality no matter what it is, I suggest that she takes things easy for now, dwell less on this gray area and focus on the clearer task at hand which is to graduate and pass the bar. Once accomplished, that might just be the better time to take the risk and go for it!

M: Hmm... I know it is easier said than done but we will never accomplish a lot of things if we just kept quiet when we could have spoken up and lived with courage. Catriona, there will be a lot of ifs, why’s and why not’s in the course of your review if there is a gnawing desire to tell your feelings to your best friend. This might even affect your review. If you deal with it right this moment, even if you’ll know that he doesn’t feel the same way, then you’re off to Manila where you will meet new people and be busy with your review. If he feels the same way and reveals his love and affection, a few months of being away from each other will surely heighten your feelings for each other. Besides, it’s not as if Manila is far, far away. You can go home on weekends or he might go to Manila earlier to join you for the bar review. Either way, telling him what you feel will end your dilemma and let you move forward.

DJ: If someone is in love with a close friend, my usual advice is not to freeze in fear. We’re at an age and time when we’re more empowered to take more risks than ever. I just think it’s better for Catriona to give him time to accomplish the more important goals he set for himself. Besides, she’s also in for the same end in mind which is to gain admission to the bar. Might as well give the review and eventually the exam her all too. It’s just a few months away anyway. Who knows? He might even be the first to make the move!

M: As with all things, timing is important and being sensitive or aware of the circumstances will increase your chances of preparing yourself to deal with the agony or the pain of rejection. Expect the best but prepare for the worst. We cannot know the outcome unless we go out of your comfort zone. To love is to risk. Take a chance.

DJ: I still suggest for Catriona to do it at a better time. Being awesome, at times, is not enough for someone who is not ready to commit. It’s been said that patience is power. It’s not necessarily an absence of action but the choice to wait for the right time to act. Something as wonderful as being in a relationship with one’s best friend can happen at the right time when both of them are already right for each other. Cat, I wish you all the best in life and in love. And I certainly hope you’ll have your happy ever after!


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