Tuesday, July 27, 2021

Briones: A lot of maybes

On the go

I WONDER what made the British government change its mind.

Maybe it realized that issuing the travel advisory against the south of Cebu was a knee-jerk reaction to the cathedral bombing in Jolo, Sulu.

Maybe someone in the Foreign Office looked at a map and realized that the distance between Jolo and Cebu was comparable to the distance between London, England and Copenhagen, Denmark.

Maybe the guy in charge of issuing travel advisories had a Cebuana nanny and has a penchant for adobo and pansit.

Maybe the nanny gave him an earful for issuing the advisory without careful assessment of the actual situation in the areas in question.

Maybe she has a bed and breakfast in Oslob, which she built with her hard-earned money wiping the bottoms of British babies, which was the reason she called and berated him.


Maybe someone in the British government has a Cebuana or Cebuano “friend” who, once in a while, shows off a private part on Skype for 50 quid or so.

Maybe it realized there weren’t enough British tourists visiting this part of the world so issuing the travel advisory was an exercise in futility.

Maybe it heard US President Donald Trump’s latest State of the Union Address and decided the world needed to be a better place and isolating one poverty-stricken country albeit with a population that automatically smile when they see a camera was downright rude.

Maybe someone had made a mistake. That southern Cebu should never have been included in the advisory. That, unlike some Filipino politicians, who, when caught with their pants down, still insist that they’re wearing one, rectifying the mistake was the natural thing to do.

Maybe one of Queen Elizabeth’s dog handlers is from Malabuyoc and put in a good word for the old country. You know, maybe she approached Lilibet and discreetly whispered in the nonagenarian’s ear, “Ma’am Queen, my prabins is reely, reely nice and bery pispul, so why dat trabel adbisory, ha?”


Maybe it heard about Sibonga’s water woes and realized that Sibonga was also in the south of Cebu and it didn’t want to add to the Municipal Government’s worries. After all, the Municipal Government is fighting an uphill battle against the water cooperative that it wants to take over. Because, and I quote Siwassco’s website, the water project must be “turned over to the association, organization or cooperative and this must be owned, managed, maintained and organized by household beneficiaries.”

I know it’s farfetched, but heck. Maybe.

Maybe the British government realized that we have a lot on our plate, considering that the mastermind behind the ambush on the Reluya couple is still out there, probably never missing an episode of “Ang Probinsyano.”

Maybe Presidential Assistant for the Visayas Michael Dino does know British Prime Minister Theresa May and, aside from being Facebook friends, they also read each other’s tweets and they’re text buddies.

Maybe Dino sent May a text message. First inquiring about her family, then discussing the weather a bit because that’s what British people apparently do in their spare time, before getting to the crux of things that Cebu and Sulu are worlds apart.



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