"PERHAPS love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself." --Saint Exupery
Love is not about me, it is about you. When you truly love person your whole focus is on the other person and not on you. But we are not just talking about the welfare or meaning or fears or needs here. We are talking about possibility of fulfilling what the other person is capable of.
To love someone is not just admiring what he or she is but envisioning what he or she is capable of. The ultimate self is the one that which we try to fulfill with the other person. His or her highest self is what we try to give the other person.
But it is a process. A daily thing. It is something that we undergo, like some pathway; like some journey with an ending that is unknown. When we see those we love we just do not see them for who they are but for what they can be. It is a process that takes effort and time.
That is perhaps why marriage is a difficult thing. A wedding is an event, a marriage is not, it is a lifelong process. And what we seek is the possibility of the other person. When a person truly loves you, that person will honor your person. We celebrate the magnificence of the person. We love more day by day.
I think that when God created me He gave me three things. Three things that have summed up who I am. They are my reasons for what I do and who I am. And the person who can see those is my wife Chona. She is the one person who can see and understand what others cannot.
Chona is the one person who can see through me and I am grateful for that because I will be the first to say that it is not easy to see me.
Much less penetrate the outer circle that I lay. This process has been going on for several years now. Before we got married we were "uyab" for four years.
With God's grace we shall be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary on December 28 this year. 29 Years with Chona. She is the one person that I go through the process with.
But it is more than just a process if you follow Exupery's definition. It is a gentle thing, a gentle and kind and loving leading. When we love someone we lead that person gently.
We do not push the person around. We do not put them down, we do not insult them nor judge them. We do not say that we are better that we know more. We do not tell them what to do. We do not shape them to what we want. That is disrespect. That is not love.
On the contrary to love someone is nudge the person ahead. To encourage, to inspire and yes sometimes to push. Yet this push is a gentle nudging, a concerned effort. It is a push based on the belief and the possibility that it can do good. That it can open the true self of the person.
I have to thank Chona for a lot of things and yet if there is one thing that I must thank her, it is her trust in me that I will eventually get it, that I will be the person I was always wanted to be. Chona trusts me enough to do the right thing, to do what I must to attain my self. In her way she tells me, points me and yes sometimes gets mad at me but I know where all these come from. I know that she means what is good and what is possible for me. I know that she loves me because she cares for my highest good.
There is no one in the world that I trust more than Chona. I will give my life to her if need be because through hers, she has shown me what life is meant to be.
There is a song by Don Mclean that I would like to share with you because it sums up all that I that I feel. It is called:
I've got nothing on my mind: nothing to remember,
Nothing to forget and I've got nothing to regret,
But I'm all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I've got;
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be, I'm not anymore.
You know I've heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they've gone the wrong direction.
But there's no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I'll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.
Can you remember who I was? Can you still feel it?
Can you find my pain? Can you heal it?
Then lay your hands upon me now
And cast this darkness from my soul.
You alone can light my way.
You alone can make me whole once again.
We've walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.
So there's no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we'll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.