M: Wayne is 32 years old. He and his boyfriend of two years broke up a year ago due to a third party. While his boyfriend has moved on, he still can’t. He is asking how he can move on. Moving on is a decision and we have different ways of coping. It takes longer for some to get back on their feet. If Wayne wants to move on, he has to make a decision to let go of the past. Forgive and forget. Analyzing why he still loves his ex despite the pain he caused does not serve any purpose except make life more miserable.
DJ: It’s the end of a chapter. Accept it. Forge a new path, Wayne. Learn from your past but don’t dwell on it. What he’s going through is understandable considering the circumstances that led to the breakup. The relationship was wrecked with questions that still need some answers and few more words that need to be said. But there is really nothing that he can already do about it. It’s been a year. It’s like a glass that’s broken into pieces. It’s best to leave it broken than hurting yourself while trying to put the pieces back together.
M: Any experience can be transformed into something of value. It depends on the way we look at things. While experience may be the best teacher, we can also learn from the experiences of other people and ask them for advice on how we can overcome our own challenges. I believe in getting the support of family and good friends when things are down. Our burdens are lightened when shared. Don’t be afraid to confide and seek counsel. Listen and learn.
DJ: Since Wayne is asking how he can move on, here’s what I think can be helpful: Go out and meet new friends. It doesn’t mean pushing himself to enter another relationship. Go out. Have fun. Build new relationships. Focus on your family or your career. Change your social engagements. This allows for one to build a new circle of influence outside the usual group of people one hangs out with. Move forward. Why? So that you will finally be free from your pain and free more space in your heart for people who deserve your love and affection.
M: A year of wallowing in regret for a lost or past love does not make a lifetime. Thirty-two is young. Remember life begins at 40! Seriously, it will be good to think of the positives in life—family, good and true friends that stay with you through thick or thin. There is so much to be thankful for.
DJ: It has been said that moving on is one of the most painful ways to solve a problem. But sometimes, it’s necessary. The breakup might not be something that he wants but I think it’s just exactly what he needs. Make a complete break, learn the lesson and move on. Trust that in time, you will finally find the good in goodbye.