OFTENTIMES, people have their goals set up. They have a clear mindset of what they are going to do to succeed. Then out of the blue they meet a partner, say a husband or a wife, who they think they can share happiness with or someone who can help them be who they want to be.
Then come the reality that this someone is also an individual who has his/her own needs and aspirations in life. This person is now confused whether he/she did the right move in settling down because instead of finding a support, he/she now feels that the other is a distraction because of the attention and consideration he/she needs to give to the partner. Life does not revolve in himself/herself anymore because there is already an extension of the self, the wife/husband and the growing family.
When Christ said that one of the two greatest commandments is to love our neighbors as ourselves, He meant that we should be willing to sacrifice some part of ourselves for others’ sake. I could never perhaps understand a bit of this teaching if I remained single. I believe that the greatest temptation of being a single is being selfish except for a number.
Though maybe I understand something about giving ourselves for others or loving our neighbors, the bigger challenge is doing it. Is it difficult for me to agree when my wife says we go to La Union for a one-day swimming getaway when I wanted Ilocos Norte? Yes. Or when she asks to buy this and I wanted that? Sometimes our discussion does not end as everybody wanted to be. Simple things. It gets more complicated when the subject gets bigger such as pursuing a graduate study or about money matters.
In dealing with this, sometimes I have to sacrifice some part of the person or identity I wanted to portrait. I have to realize I am not that person anymore. I cannot just do things without involving my family in the decision-making. I cannot think of myself alone but I have to consider my other-selves, my family. Is this difficult? Without a proper mind-setting, adjusting, and adapting, yes it is difficult. Christ meaning of sacrificing oneself is far greater. He did not only give a part of Him but His whole.
Christ became human to give Himself to others. His life was destined to live for others. His human existence was lived to save humanity. He cured the sick and the paralytics, uplifted the spirit of the poor and marginalized, taught the good news that others may be saved in the end.
He did not seek for recognition for His deeds. He did not ask to live in comfort even for a little while. This is what He meant when He said love your neighbor. From this we can deduced that life is to be lived by sharing or giving a part of ourselves to others and if we can, the whole of ourselves.
This is too asking for ordinary people like me, or perhaps like us. It would mean that we have to give up some of our lofty dreams in life to give us the opportunity to see the people around us.
In the parable of the good Samaritan, the first two people who passed by, a priest and a Levite (these two represent people close to God because they are part of the chosen tribes) ignored the suffering man, while the third, a Samaritan, an outsider, took pity on him and helped him. We could say that the priest and Levite ignored the man because they had to do something related to their tasks as priests while the Samaritan allowed himself to be delayed in his journey (an act of self-giving) just to help the man.
The ultimate goal or meaning of life then becomes learning to give ourselves to others. To do this, let’s go back to the commandment of Jesus. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. One cannot genuinely help other people without learning to give love. With love, it is not difficult to agree with our wife’s decision. With love it is easier to grant his/her requests. With this concept, a person can easily sacrifice for his/her family because of love. We know our family. Our family gives us joy and in return we develop a love for them.
It is difficult to love strangers or people outside our family because we do not know them and they seldom or rarely do anything for us. How can we love someone we do not know or perhaps someone we dislike or hate? The people, together with the Pharisees, asked for Jesus’ crucifixion. Pontius Pilate merely agreed because of pressure from them yet Christ still chose death to save the same people who condemned Him to death.
Life as it is being presented today is making ourselves happy by having lots of money, having the highest degree, and having the highest job position. But we were taught in the beginning and even today and tomorrow that life is giving ourselves for others, not only to our family, but to our neighbors. There is no wrong in trying to reach these earthly dreams but the aim should be reaching these dreams that we become more capable in helping others. Is this difficult? Yes, it is but Christ taught us the ways to do it.