I LOST my sister two months ago. It was an unexpected passing although she had serious medical conditions that required utmost vigilance and follow up. My sister was a strong, disciplined woman. She took her meds diligently and set her doctors’ appointments prepared with all the required laboratory work up.
When she went, her friends and co-workers were shocked to say the least. My sister had been a fighter and fought hard to continue her life as if nothing major happened to her. I witnessed how much my sister was loved and appreciated by everyone and it was comforting for us, her family, that my sister had a full life and that she will really be missed.
When she died, it felt like my world crumbled. Like a tower of dominoes, my life came crashing down. It felt like I was watching everything on slow motion but my thoughts were travelling at warp speed. It felt like I was having an out of body experience. It felt really weird.
Whenever we lose somebody we love, it feels like a part of us died and went with them. We reminisce about the good times and realize how we can no longer add more of it because they are no longer with us. We also remember the bad times and become filled with regret and guilt that we didn’t take the time to make it better. We had run out of time to say sorry and to thresh out the knots and creases that could have resolved issues if only we made time for it.
I was burdened with these thoughts and feelings too, and it was torture. The sense of hopelessness that comes with dealing with human mortality just brings me down.
We deal with grief accordingly. We all have our ways of coping. Some would bury themselves in work but. I couldn’t really work during the time my sister died. I tried hard to act normal but I was too distraught. I needed to take time off and feel everything. I needed to immerse myself in that feeling so that I can find the strength and move on.
It took me two months to finally realize that I needed to get into the swing of things again. It is difficult because time and again, it dawned on ms that I will only see her in pictures and in my dreams. All I have are memories and that there will be no memories added to the ones we shared together.
Indeed it is a sad thing but life goes on. There is nothing wrong in feeling the loss, but we can exert a little more effort to feel better. Time is of essence and brighter days will come soon.