Let’s eat politics

Sira-sira store

MY NEPHEW Pannon and Illustracio’s son Janbay lamented that their candidate did not win.

“But you’re too young to vote, guys.”

“I know, Uncle. We pretended we could. We voted Wisely for senator, but no one else voted for him,” Pannon answered.

I laughed. “Wisely is not a candidate. When someone says, ‘Vote wisely,’ it doesn’t refer to a person but to one’s wisdom in selecting a candidate.”

In honor of the May 13 midterm elections, here is a menu I created. I hope it will satisfy candidates who lost or who won. I based the facts here on news (GMA7, NewsTV, Channel 13 and ABS-CBN). Take this with a cup of humor.

BALUT-BUYING PAKSIW. Ballot buying was reported in various places. President Rodrigo Duterte answered the question about ballot buying during an ambush interview in Davao where he voted. He said it is an “integral part of elections.”

For those who bought votes and those who accepted cash for votes, cook some balut paksiw: Place shelled balut in a pot, add its amniotic fluids, natural vinegar, water, salt and whole peppercorns. Cook just to boiling point. Pair it with nitty-gritty corn grits.

I ARE HUMBLE PIE. “To eat humble pie” means suffering humiliation in the form of forced submission. A humble pie is made with offal (from the French word nomble or deer’s innards). There were candidates who ate their pie a day after the elections. It was quick and bloodless.

Losers should bake I Are Humble Pie: Fill a pie shell with stewed innards of deer (but some other animal may be used): lungs, heart, liver and kidney. It sounds like you are eating your guts, but it is not. It means you have the humility and the guts to admit defeat and move on with life.

UPSIDE DOWN UPSET CAKE. Old political dynasties and seasoned politicians were defeated by younger political dynasties and non-political opponents. Those who are hurting need this cake. The sweet pineapple topping will remind them life is a cycle and has its unexpected upsets.

CHILI CON CORNY is a take on chili con carne. Some political ads were so corny it gave voters instant recall at the polls. But other corny ads may have turned off some voters. They chose another candidate.

VCM is not vote-counting machine. This punch stands for Vodka Cola Mnemonics. It is a drink to assist memory. We sip it as as we review our choices. Politicians also need to meditate on what they want from the nation or really for the nation. In vino veritas, in wine lies the truth, therefore drink moderately.

Do not drive after a drink. The life you save may be a potential voter. If you survive, still vote wisely in the 2022 presidential election. Right, Pannon?


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