M: With the recent elections which has divided many, including family and friends, it comes as no surprise that Adam—who comes from a political family—is writing us to say that they have been extremely polarized for the last three elections. And things are even getting worse instead of better. He’s still in business school and is groomed to be the next-generation politician in the family. But he believes his biggest challenge today is to bring his family together as one; even just his immediate family. Where should he start?
DJ: I can connect with his concern since I lost friends since the 2016 election. Adam’s predicament is even weightier, considering that it involves the people closest and dearest to him. Occasional conflicts are part of every relationship. But a recurring one, considering the political environment the family is in and how polarizing the current events are, can be stressful—even damaging. I think he can start in a space he has the most control with—himself. How ready and willing is he to bridge the gap? Is he already whole enough to set aside his political views in favor of healing in the family? Relationships over political preferences. Being able and willing to meet them halfway, to listen and negotiate instead of asserting one’s views is already a good place to start. The journey can be long. But he will be able to endure and follow through if he starts the process of healing from within.
M: Well for one, he should ask himself if he wants to get into politics. Just because his family is in politics, it doesn’t have to mean that he has to follow suit. It might help if he can share his concern to a close family member who, he thinks, shares the same sentiments. Someone who wants to keep the family intact and be at peace, whether there is an election or not.
DJ: Adam can also consider seeking external help—a relative or someone the family respects who can mediate, who can help them thresh out their opposing views, to separate the person from such differences. There are also professional coaches he can collaborate with, if his family is able and willing as well to explore this route. It takes two to tango. His family also needs to see the importance of their relationship and view it as their core, common and fundamental ground.
M: The elections come and go, the politicians come and go. But family should be forever. Power, riches, fame—we cannot bring these after life. Being at peace with one another while we are still here should be our goal and not just being proclaimed winner in the electoral process. Start forging better ties with your family before venturing to solve problems of a community, city, district or country.
DJ: I honor Adam for putting his family relationship ahead of his political inclinations. My dad used to tell us that everything starts and ends in the family. They have been there long before the others came, and they will be there long after the others are gone. In life, it is God (or the being we worship), country and family before self.