ENOUGH has been written about toxic masculinity these days. People are now shattering the idea of what (wrongly) constitutes being a “man’s man” and putting forward the notions of empathy, being vulnerable and mental health—things that would probably be derided and laughed at a lifetime ago. But it’s a struggle, being a guy. When your immediate surroundings are still tied to that archaic notion of masculinity, just where do we look to find an example we can emulate?
I am very fortunate to have a father who chose to walk the “narrow path” before it was trendy and hip. For what it’s worth, he has always been a shining example of being a modern-day man, even at the cost of his reputation. Being raised in a traditional Chinese environment, I can attest that this was not easy for Dad to do, with all the beliefs and narratives that Chinese still cling to even now in the 2010s.
He was never the alpha, big-voiced guy who beat his chest over his accomplishments, so we’d often take Dad for granted. However, no matter the situation, we always knew—and felt—that he had our backs. Even though he and I have tendencies to see the clouds in the silver lining, Dad tries to be positive for my sake, to show me that he is also trying to be optimistic through the self-doubt he (and every other man, I assume) carry like a weight.
To use a DOTA (Defense of the Ancients) analogy, if Mom is the nuker in the family (the spitfire damage dealer who clears an offensive path), then Dad would be the main support character. You forget he’s there sometimes granting you +10% movement speed and healing you from all the damage you are taking, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less important.
It’s a struggle, being a guy. We, who have well-meaning intentions, are sometimes in the dark whether what we are doing perpetrates the old, feudal systems of chauvinism. So it’s nice to take Father’s Day to reflect on the examples that the few, good men out there are giving us and to thank them for it. I understand that not everyone is blessed to have their bloodline father as a role model, but I’m sure each one of us has a father figure in our lives that we look up to and model ourselves after. If you don’t have one, find one—it’s imperative that we guys seek help in navigating this brave new world. Keeping that “macho mentality” will only get you so far.
To my dad and the other male role models who function as surrogate dads to me, thank you for showing me the balance of outer and inner man even as you strive to keep that equality daily. I’m not yet where I need to be, but, thanks to you, I am far from what I used to be. Thanks for being an example.