I’M NOT religious.
Anyone who knows me can attest to that.
Although I feel I have a special connection with a certain personage in the Bible. I’m talking about that controversial figure called Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of Argao, arguably the most beautiful town in Cebu and not because it happens to be the hometown of my grandparents and I have many relatives there who, like me, are fond of the, ahem, spirits. No. Nothing like that.
Of course, I know Michael is not a saint. He’s an angel. Hence, the “archangel” bit. Like, duh! I also know he’s one mean fighting winged being who gave Satan a whopping kick in the behind. I mean, he basically drove the horned guy and the other fallen angels to hell. And did I mention at sword point? Now, that’s a feat.
By the way, did you know that his name means “one who is like God”? I didn’t. Well, I guess I learn something new every day.
So does that mean Michael is also omniscient? After all, if he is like, you know, Him, then he should have some of His powers. The way I look at it, Michael is the Huawei to God’s iPhone? After all, didn’t US Intelligence—is there such a thing nowadays?—say the equipment of the Chinese tech powerhouse is being used for espionage. It’s a stretch, I know. But you know what I mean? Oh, did I just blaspheme?
Forgive me. That was never my intention. I was only trying to be relevant.
So why have I brought up a saint who is not a saint? A divine being who is associated with the end of the world and death? A Chinese cellular phone brand that has come out of nowhere to challenge American technological dominance?
Trust me, it has nothing to do with the fact that the country’s most popular beer is named after Michael. Okay, maybe it does. Just a little bit. After all, you can’t well call yourself a Filipino and not know who the guy is. I mean, he’s a frigging saint, I mean, angel.
Or that I need to level up and get myself a smartphone so I can do what millennials do with theirs. And no, they’re not doing research. Trust me on that.
Again, why am I talking about Michael?
Well, why shouldn’t I? If Pastor Chris Tundag can call his organization God the Father Almighty Credit Cooperative (GTFACC), then what’s stopping me from discussing Michael’s exploits on the battlefield?
But while I’m on the subject of GTFACC, did you know that if Paul Catian didn’t air his grievances on Facebook, Cebu wouldn’t have known about the coop’s modus?
Anyway, I don’t have all the details. After all, I’m only basing my observations on the news that came out on SunStar Cebu and on Catian’s Facebook post. But it appears the coop has not made good on its promise.
Catian and company had high expectations. Of course. They made the 15 percent down payment for the vehicle they wanted to purchase and the coop said it would be ready after a month and the interest they’d be paying would be super low, almost miraculously so.
I get it. They thought the coop would be infallible. They were, after all, dealing with “God the Father Almighty.”
Perhaps, if the founder had claimed to be the appointed son of God, they would have gotten their vehicles by now.