Palmares & Moises: Hurt heart

Palmares & Moises: Hurt heart

M: Aside from losing weight, one thing many people have difficulty doing is forgiving. Luigi is asking why is it so difficult to forgive? If I may liken it to losing weight, it’s probably because it’s hard at first to change the status quo when we can get too comfortable with the situation. Until such time that we get the necessary push—like a health scare or nagging physical discomforts, aches and pains, or nagging partners—then well-meaning family and friends tell us to shape up, or else.

DJ: We’re taught early on that to forgive is the right thing to do. But sometimes, what is right can also be the most difficult. The reasons? There are a number of possibilities. Perhaps, it’s because there’s still no closure. Forgiveness comes from a place of understanding, and the emotion attached to an incident might still be intense. Another reason is that it is a recurring behavior. Thus, preconceived notions are reinforced. And shutting himself away from the triggers might be his way of coping. Avoidance of the real issue is another possibility. Walls are built instead of resolving the conflict. The sad thing? Luigi is still carrying the weight of it all, while the other party might have already moved on. Not nice!

M: Forgiveness is a deliberate, conscious decision. With a warring heart and mind that tends not to easily forget, one must exert mental, emotional and physical effort to move on, to forgive and hopefully, forget. I find it is infinitely easier if I pray and pray and pray some more, so that I heal and be of healing. And when we learn to let go and let God, it is easier to accept the situation. I learned forgiving is not for the other person but more for our own selves. Nothing is ever easy. Just like losing weight, one has to make an effort to get moving, to consume less. Same with forgiving. Moving toward reconciliation produces less hate and consumes more joy and happiness.

DJ: Well, it doesn’t have to mean the other party’s action is excused or we forget everything that happened. Forgiveness means accepting a reality and learning to live with it. Yes, it is something we do for ourselves. Three major hurts knocked me off recently. One left me hanging upside-down. Another involved a knife stabbed in the back that cost me a couple whom I thought were friends. And the final blow was made by someone who used her strength to harm instead of protect. Like Luigi, moving myself forward is like a rock. It’s hard. But I am choosing to finally put an end to these so I won’t have to be forever stuck with the burden of having to carry them around. Am I still friends with them? Not anymore. Do I hate them? Not anymore. But it took a lot of introspection. What did I learn? Who did I become? What can I do differently this time? How can all these better me as a person? They’re easier said than done, of course. But believe me, they’re better done than said.

M: Life is what we make it. If we plant love, we cannot harvest anger or hate. If we sow unity, it will most likely not bring about division. Deciding to forgive is not dependent on feelings or emotions which can betray even our best intentions. So discern and pray about it. After deciding your best course of action, do it!

DJ: We are all flawed. We all have our blind spots. We get hurt and we hurt others. Who are we to judge then? What the other person did might be an injustice but we deserve to be free from that. We have to regain control of our life instead of being tied to it. We deserve to live the good life that’s still ahead of us. Forgiving others and releasing ourselves from the hurt is a way of affirming the fact that we deserve to be happy no matter what.

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