I NEVER really like fights, for some reason whether I win or not I always get out of it feeling less of a person. Yet it seems to be the fiber of all the roads I step into, and to avoid it means not to walk at all.
Come to think of it, the hating part was actually just an acquired thing. I mean I practically grew up in a family with a very diverse background. My parents have different religions and have different tribal ancestry. I eat conflict for breakfast. Yet however impervious I have become, I can never really be immune to the ordeal that goes with every conflict. Each clash brings back memories of fights that ended badly.
If there are three things I have learned from how my parents lived harmoniously in the midst of conflicts, these would be:
1. Diversity is the essence of communal life. So long as there is more than one person living, there will always be difference of opinion and belief. The first hell one can experience is when he or she thinks that he or she owns the monopoly of truth. The second hell is when he or she insists that others should at all times conform to how he or she sees the world.
It has to be pointed that diversity does not necessarily mean someone should be wrong. It could simply mean that each of us holds a certain part of the truth. Difference of opinion and beliefs are not points of conflict, but are invitations of dialogue. With dialogue, things get clarified and common grounds are arrived at. Dialogue facilitates fusion of horizon thereby eliminating the very point of conflict.
2. Conflicts are inevitable so learn to choose your battles. Not all conflicts need to be resolved. There are those that are not important and not urgent. Some are too petty that engaging on them does not gain you any ground. Others are important but are not urgent. These conflicts can be put on hold as you buy time to reflect on how you would resolve them instead of just react on them. Still others are urgent but are not really essential while there are those you just could not afford to let pass because they are at the heart of what you hold dear and they are at the essence of how you would like to be defined.
Sometimes one has to lose smaller battles to win the war.
3. Winning is not everything and losing is not the end of life. Sometimes you have to take a punch or two. Sometimes losing is just what you need to do to be a better person. Sometimes losing is your redemption.
There is surely more to life than winning a fight. In fact I beg to differ on the scientific claim that life on earth is the survival of the fittest. Because if you look around, it’s not the strongest that survives. It’s those species that just know when to fight and when to retreat.
Aggression, combat, and attack are not the only languages in this world, there are also words such as compassion, tolerance and love.