M: Niño met a classmate he had a crush on in high school during their reunion last month. Niño is already married but his classmate, Sho, is still single and just recently came out. They were once the best of friends but it came into an ironic, screeching stop when Sho decided to seal the friendship with a kiss. Niño now wonders what life would have been if he pursued what he felt for his high school crush. Perhaps, there could have been closure and he would no longer be bothered by it? I think Niño should no longer wonder about what could have been because the past is past. He got married. He is married. I think the greater concern now is if he should continue cultivating his feelings for his classmate.
DJ: Who is Niño? That’s an even more fundamental question he needs to address. A good space to start is to answer this question without mentioning anything or anyone external in his life like his friends, family or job. Thus, he cannot say he is an architect, for example, or that he is a son of Turpelano or the husband Turpelana. Who is he? Is he gay? Bisexual? Questioning? Knowing himself is important because from there he’ll understand why he feels what he is feeling and why he is behaving in particular way.
M: “Be true to yourself” is good advice that we often hear. But whether one can truly be true to oneself is something difficult for some to achieve. We all have fears of being rejected for our past as well as being judged for what we do in the present or plan to do in the future. My concern in Niño’s case is actually not for him or his classmate but for his wife and family. Following one’s heart is wise but for Niño, might it be unwise for him to risk his family for the what-if’s and what-could-be’s with his classmate?
DJ: While going through his journey, it helps if he refrains from labeling whatever he discovers as good or bad. It’s almost irresolvable for him to accept who he is for something he already labelled as remorseful. Only after then, will he come to terms with his authentic self when he thinks about how he wants to behave socially. Should he continue with his marriage? It depends on what he’ll find out. Can he commit to be his wife’s husband and lover for better or worse? Can he stay faithful? It’s all up to him. Moving himself forward to a life that’s best for him starts with knowing and accepting his real self.
M: Coming out is easier today than it was in the past but I think it is still difficult for some who have their reasons for keeping it secret. Niño, you have to be careful not to be swayed by your emotions. Reunions are happy, fun and exciting times that can reignite feelings. I’ve read and heard of stories of former classmates or schoolmates getting back together, falling for one another and leaving their spouses and families behind. “Reunited and it feels so good” is their theme song but for those abandoned and left behind, I hope their song is “I will survive.”
DJ: There are gay people who are happily married to straight partners. There are also those that turned into a melodrama and eventually, a riotous end. And we know too of sad individuals trapped in an ill-fated union for the sake of the kids, or just to save face. Which of these paths can he live with? It’s all up to him. What matters more is that he is true to who he is, and is faithful to the path he’ll choose.